i woke up groggy, i didn't really remember much. it was still dark outside, i looked at my phone surprised to see it was nine pm. "gus" i gently shook him awake, "huh" he mumbled, still half asleep. "how long did we just sleep for?" i asked. honestly, i was a little disoriented. i didn't know if it was yesterday or today.
"slept all day" he said, already falling back asleep. "what did we do?" i asked. "molly" he said. "yeah, i know but like what did we do?" i asked again "same old" he shrugged, rolling back over in bed. i remember feeling really happy but not much else. "why do you remember?" i asked him, i was confused.
"i do this shit all the time, you don'.t you also asked for more so i gave you some" he explained. "oh" was all i could say.
"i wish you we're happy like that all the time" gus said. "so do i" god if i could be, i would. "you deserve it" he told me. i didn't answer.
"have you ever been in love?" i asked him. i think i caught him off guard. "you're getting deep all of a sudden" he laughed "but no i don't think so, why?" he asked. "i wonder what it feels like?" i asked rhetorically.
"probably like molly without the molly" he suggested, "maybe" i pondered.
"how do i make you feel?" i asked him, "what are you suggesting?" he asked. "nothing, just a question" a question i shouldn't have asked.
"you make me frustrated, confused, but i anytime you're not here i think about the next time you will be" he told me. "i'm sorry" i said quietly. "for what?" he asked, "i haven't been good to you" i told him. "i don't feel that way" he disagreed. "i don't think i believe you" i raised an eyebrow at him.
"i know we've had our argument in the time we've known each other but i do care about you k, wether you want me to or not i can't help it but i respect your boundaries. i understand where you come from" he said, i could feel his genuineness when he spoke.
"can i ask you the same thing? how do i make you feel?" he asked me back. "safe" i told him, i didn't feel like i had to lie right now. i made him smile "but i'm scared i use you as an emotional punching bag sometimes" i told him. for the first time in a long time i was becoming conscious of how i affected others, especially gus.
"you don't. you're just figuring yourself out" he told me. "why do you always know the right thing to say? how do you always know the right thing to say?" i asked him. it felt like he had this profound knowledge of me and i realized how little of myself i had shared with him.
"i just speak the truth, my truth at least" he said.
i knew i was developing feelings for gus. my initial instincts told me to run far away but i didn't. i didn't know what to do with these feelings or how to show them but i think gus was figuring it out. he understood me.
"i do really like having you around y'know" he told me, "i like being around" i smiled.
his phone buzzed on the dresser a few times, he quickly swiped away the notifications. who was that?" i asked, "just my mom" he said, placing his phone back on the dresser.
"do you want to stay the night?" he asked, "well day? but night?" he tried to figure out. "i do have to go home and finish some things tomorrow but yes" i saod
"i don't really feel like sleeping right now" i told him, "me neither" he sat up in bed, "put whatever you want on" he instructed me, handing me the tv remote.
he grabbed a tray from the dresser and rolled us a blunt. i liked watching him, he was cute when he was focused.
"perfect" he said, taking a hit from it. he stretched, putting his arm around me and handing me the blunt. i really couldn't complain about times like this.
a/n hey bbs what do u guys think of this so far? do u want me to start putting questions at the end of chapters again? i feel like i don't interact w yall enough
peace and love
