i was curled in the corner of calvin's couch. i ashed my joint in the tray on the table. "i don't really smoke in here" he told me. "you make me feel so empty inside" i told him. he looked at me confused. "if we're telling each other things we don't wanna hear or whatever" i told him. "you're insane" he told me. "you're not even my boyfriend, i can be whatever i want. not like we owe each other anything".
"okay miss i don't want a relationship, especially with you" he mocked. "exactly" i said. "let's go out tonight" he said. "we go out like every night" i told him. "we haven't in like, a week, like you've been avoiding the scene or something" he laughed "if you wanna flirt with guys for free drinks and save me a few bucks fine by me" he added.
"yeah sure i guess" i hesitantly agreed. and just like that everything was so repetitive yet again. makeup. hair. tiny dress. heels. car. club. drunk. sad.
my body was pressed against calvin's in the right crowd while everyone danced. it really just felt like i was still and everything was moving around me. i took another sip of my drink, i'd lost count of how many i was at.
in the moment i was still for just a second i felt like someone else was too. i recognized gus amongst the crowd. he was looking at me, then at calvin and then back at me. he looked sad, almost disappointed. as soon as i realized i'd seen him he quickly walked away.
i don't know what he doesn't get about the fact we were nothing to each other
