i woke up on the floor in yesterday's clothes. the sun was entirely blinding and i felt like i had gotten shot in the head, also hit by a truck, also drowned, also just about any bad thing that could have happened to me.
i didn't even try to move in the moment. i was wishing my parents had never met so i never existed to do this to myself.
i have no idea what happened, i knew i left calvin's place and came home but the empty bottle of tequila next to me filled in the blanks pretty quickly. i moved just enough i could reach my phone, opening it only to see i had tried to call gus forty seven times last night. forty seven. "my god" i said to myself.
i scrolled through the call log. about 4 hours after i stopped calling him there was one missed call fom him. i didn't call him back as i'm sure i left plenty of drunken voicemails. i was just embarrassed.
i literally felt like i was on the verge of death, i had propped myself up against the couch but thats all i could manage for the moment.
i heard three knocks on my doors that basically sounded like bombs going off to me right now. "hello?" i called, i couldn't even get up to get the door. "kal, you in there?" someone asked from the other side.
"gus?" i asked, recognizing his voice almost immediately. "yeah" he said softly. "come in" i groaned.
"jesus k, you good?" he asked, stopping in the doorway when he saw me. i just shook my head.
"you called me like a shit load of times last night, i was asleep but i called you back and you didn't answer. i was scared something bad happened to you" he told me, crouching down beside me.
"you care?" i asked "of course i care, why wouldn't i?" he asked in return.
"i thought you hated me" i said, with a little relief. "no kal, i could never hate you. i also wanted to come apologize. i don't know why i acted like that yesterday. it was stupid, i was high, there really isn't an excuse but i'm sorry."
"it's okay" i told him, trying not to cry. half because i was emotional, half because i actual had never felt so shitty in my life.
"drink a little too much?" he asked, moving the empty bottle away from me. i nodded.
"kal, can you forgive me? you were right it is different. and i really do only want you. that's crystal clear to me now" he asked, but i interrupted before he could say anymore.
"gus it's all fine, i promise. all i wanted was us back" i told him.
"you got it. i'm right here" he said, getting completely down onto the floor with me.
"can you close the blinds?" i asked. the sun felt like daggers in my eyes. "sure thing" he said, getting right to it.
"i'll be right back" he told me, kissing the top of my head before he disappeared down the hallway. i just sat there with my head between my knes, praying to feel even a touch better.
he returned with a bottle of water and a bottle of ibuprofen. "here" he said, shaking a couple of pills in my hand. "thank you" i said, my voice strained.
"let's get you to bed" he said. he swiftly scooped me up bridal style and carried me to bed. "thank you" i mumbled. "i got you" he said. he took his sweater off, tossing it on the bedroom floor and got in bed next to me.
"i'm sorry. i never meant for any of that to happen, i only want it to be us, like this from now on" he said, putting his arm around me. "me too" i agreed.
"good. you're my girl" he told me. i smiled but didn't say anything, succumbing to my brain's demand to go back to sleep.
