Kira Modest

Chapter 11

                                     Shift 2

"I arrived at the club, showed my belongings to the security following all the rules, and headed to the dressing room. I can't say I'm standing firmly on my feet, as I managed to get only three hours of sleep before work after a walk with Arthur. But I'm confident that once I step into the hall, the atmosphere will instantly wake me up. 

I take out my plain lingerie from the locker and change. Mary walked in at that moment, and I covered my chest, feeling embarrassed for some reason. Perhaps I forgot where I am, although it's challenging to do so, and forgot that Mary has already seen my chest. "And not only her." Oh, damn! My subconscious again. There's a dreadful reproach in every small phrase that just doesn't let me relax and live normally while working here. But how can I not cringe at the word 'work' in this context? I can't perceive this as a job. 

Mary noticed how I covered, smiled sweetly, and didn't say anything.

"Hi," I greeted with a smile.

"Hi, honey bunny," she replied so warmly that it made me want to be friends with her even more.

I need some support, and I really want to talk to someone about this 'work' place. None of my acquaintances or friends know me. And... It seems to me that I don't even know myself now...and I really want to figure it out. But I'm confident that I'll handle this and won't lose myself. 

She started pulling out her lingerie and costumes from the locker. I can't say that I liked all of them, but there were quite a few. About seven sets. 

"You have so many outfits. When did you manage to buy them? In just a few weeks of work, you already have a whole wardrobe," my eyebrows rise in surprise.

"I just want to look beautiful. Costume designers often come to the dressing room. You can find something unusual from them. Before working at the club, I hadn't seen such unusual lingerie sets anywhere, or maybe I just hadn't paid attention."

"Most likely, you just didn't pay attention," I interrupted.

"Heh, yeah. Before working here, I'll tell you, I didn't notice a lot of things, even about myself."

"Do you mean behavior?"

She shrugged and nodded 'yes'.

"Hmm... I've discovered a lot about myself too, and not very good." 

We both understood what was being discussed but we didn't want to continue discussing it for some reason. It seemed to me that Mary herself wasn't thrilled with this job. Although I thought she enjoyed it. Maybe one night here and about an hour of conversation with her wasn't enough to understand it fully. 

She pulled out a brightly purple corset from the box for her chest and matching panties with butterflies on the sides. It was only now that I noticed many girls here dancing in insanely beautiful outfits. Well, I can't even call it lingerie; these were complete costumes. And most importantly, they looked so happy. They walked around the dressing room with a genuine smile, with such a cheerful mood. Constantly joking, discussing the guests. And, by the way, their jokes are also so unusual. Something of their own... They're practically all in sync here. At the moment, I seem to be out of the loop, so not all the jokes seem funny to me, and some are completely incomprehensible. But they're having fun... As if they're crazy about this job. Although why 'as if'? Maybe they really are crazy about it... Everyone has their own preferences. We all love different things. And at some point, I can understand them. I can understand why they find it enjoyable. I felt incomparable, the best and the most desired. In just one night, my self-esteem rose like never before in my life. Apparently, that's what they get a kick out of. And it seems that this very thrill is what pulls them in; it's like a drug. Your, already self-absorbed, 'self' constantly demands a new dose of compliments and admiration. But that's just one side of the coin; the other is completely different. Much larger and scarier. But I haven't fully realized it yet. Somewhere deep inside, I understand the depth of this pit, but there's a big and powerful block that doesn't let this understanding into my consciousness. It just breaks through a little, and that's it...can't go any further. And even when it manages to break through a bit, there's some malicious entity at the entrance that skillfully compels me to reconstruct my own thinking. I find myself pushing away the understanding of the 'right path' created by society.