Our Father's Crusade (leverage x Psych) COMPLETED

Learn How To Bend

Shawn and I laid in the pillow fort silently for about an hour after Juliet left. He just kept his arms around me as I tried to figure it all out. Everything was so confusing right now. I keep waiting for Elliot to come to his senses but I don't think he ever will. Finally Shawn said something, he's tried to stay quiet, he's tried to let me figure it out, but I don't think he's ever been so angry.

"Let me love you. Please Carter, stop pushing me away, stop letting him hurt you." Shawn's voice was quiet as he pet my head. "I love you and I love Izzy and Gloria."

"Can you love me knowing I'm still in love with Elliot and would drop everything for him?" I asked in a whisper still nuzzled into his chest.

"I already do, can you love me knowing it's the same with Juliet for me?" Shawn's voice stayed soft, his grip never loosening on me.

"You're my person, and I like this, I like being with you. I don't know if the sex is even a factor. I just love you." I rambled out as he turned me over to face him.

"Do you want to be more than what we are?" Shawn asked tucking my hair behind my ear.

"Do you?" I asked hesitantly.

Shawn gently kissed me as we laid there. It was soft and sweet, his hand on my face. I love him, but I'm so lost and confused.

"Would you have said yes?" Shawn asked quietly.

"Shawn, you love Juliet." I whispered back trying to avoid the question.

"I love you too. Just tell me what you want Carter. Do you want to have sex?" Shawn asked genuinely and a little desperately. He was trying so hard, he loved me so much and I'm still fucking it up.

"I don't know what I want anymore." I mumbled as I sighed. "Elliot doesn't want to leave the life, after what happened with Moreau he feels like he should keep working. I don't want the girls put in danger, I love what we do, what my dad built, but I love them more."

"They'd have two cops in their lives who'd do anything for them, an ex cop who's their, whatever my dad is. Is that the only reason why he left?"  Shawn asked trying to figure it out.

"He asked me to leave them with you and Juliet." I muttered as his face sank a little.

"Is that what you want? It's okay if it is. I know you never wanted any of this." Shawn asked me sweetly as he caressed my face.

"You helped me fall in love Shawn. I want to be a mom again. In fact, I'm excited to be a mom again." My words elicited a smile from Shawn. "I thought Elliot was on board. I thought he wanted this too."

"I do Carter, can I come clean? Please?" Our eyes turned to Elliot who'd slipped in without us hearing him. "I've been driving around on the phone with Nate since I left."

"Elliot, now isn't a good time. Carter is already under too much stress, I'm not letting her go into preterm labor." Shawn calmly told him as he sat up. I was soon following, still feeling like a whale.

"Shawn, it's okay." I smiled putting my hand on him.

"Shawn can stay if you want." Elliot's voice was quiet as he knelt down. He kept looking between us, he was definitely jealous, and he'd definitely heard the whole conversation.

"Shawn, can you be trusted to start dinner?" I asked getting a smile and nod from him as he climbed out of the pillow fort. "Get in here Elliot, welcome to the club."

"You want to have this conversation in your pillow fort?" Elliot's voice was serious as he stared. He still didn't understand why I found this thing so comforting.

"Get in here, now." I demanded as he obliged grumbling the entire time.

"Where do I start?" Elliot slowly reached for my hand causing me to pull away. I could see his face sink again the moment I did it.