𝐃𝐄𝐋𝐈𝐂𝐀𝐓𝐄, pedri gonzález

𝙘𝙝𝙖𝙥𝙩𝙚𝙧 𝙛𝙞𝙛𝙩𝙮, olive

❝ what died didn't stay dead, what died didn't stay dead, you're alive, you're alive in my head. ❞
⇄ ◃◃ ⅠⅠ ▹▹ ↻

2018

"What do you mean Maisie's not coming?" I frown, looking at my mother.

"They didn't let her. Said the race was too important to lose her." She answers in a hushed tone.

"It's her sister's goddamn funeral!" I start getting angry again. "She can't just not come!?"

This past week has been a complete mess. Ever since the surgery, I haven't been able to walk, nor eat properly, nor breathe properly... Just nothing.

I haven't cried in my entire life this much. I haven't yelled this much. I haven't been angry this much. I haven't been in pain this much. It's all just been horrible.

And the only person who could've helped us through this, through the tough times would've been Mia. But now she's gone. Because of me.

Mia's mom still hasn't talked to anyone apart from her sister, my mom. My mom is one of the most tired between us all.

Her sister only accepting to talk to her, and her daughter being hospitalized for a week. She's just been struggling so much. Let's not forget she's officially three weeks pregnant.

And here I am. Yelling at her for something she isn't at fault of. "Liv, she's coping with the loss of her baby sister while starting out a career in one of the hardest sports known to man. We just gotta let her be her."

I don't know how she's being so supportive and understanding of Maisie! Her own sister died and she can't come to her funeral!?

"No. This is completely nuts. Mia would have dropped everything to be able to be here." I say nodding my head no.

"Mia would've understood." Mom tries to calm me down, yet nothing has been calming me down ever since the event.

"Maybe. But she would've been here." I say out of anger. I am so freaking angry! At the world for taking her away from me. At Maisie for not coming. At the doctors for not being able to save her. And most importantly at myself for letting her die.

"She would not have been here Liv because this is her fucking funeral!" My mom snaps. "How can she be here? How could she have been here!? She died. Dead. She's dead. It's over." And here come the tears dripping down again. "We gotta focus on the future, kid. We can't just dwell on the past and blame something or someone."

I look up at her. She's just her aunt, yet she somehow still looks like her more than her own mom. Looking at my mom just reminds me of her. They have the same character too.

Always hopeful, caring and selfless.

I hate all these traits. If she wasn't so selfless, she would've still been here. It's a dog eat dog world, and we've all gotta save ourselves.

"I..." I have no words honestly. "I just need a moment mom. I'll be out in a few minutes." I sigh. She hesitates but agrees. She stands up from the bed placed in front of the chair where I'm sat on and gives me a kiss before walking out.

Closing the door behind her, I turn and see myself in my vanity again. I used the waterproof make up for a reason.

I'm still wearing the necklace she let me borrow that day. The more I stare at it in the mirror, the more I think of her.

"Kes eme! (Fuck me!)" I yell in frustration, bringing my hands up to the back of my neck and detach the gold. My hands trembling, it takes me a good couple of seconds before it clicks.