Zustin - A new start

"Im gay"

Justin's POV:

I've known I was gay for years. Even before I started sleeping with girls, I knew. But in my house, being gay was a sin—a disgusting, unforgivable thing, worse than murder. My father made sure I understood that. So, I did what I had to do to keep that part of me buried deep. I drank. I drank until I was numb enough to sleep with girls, and if things didn't work out, I blamed it on the alcohol. I ignored the fact that I felt nothing for them, let the rumors of me being a fuckboy spread, and kept hiding who I really was.

When my father died, I felt something I'd never expected: relief. Maybe that sounds messed up, but it's the truth. He was never there for me, never really a father. I could count on one hand the number of times he said he loved me, but I lost track of the times he hit me. That was more common than anything else.

Even with him gone, though, I wasn't sure if I could come out. I hadn't even fully accepted it myself, so how could anyone else? In our small town, being gay was still too taboo. No one my age was openly gay, and I wasn't about to be the first.

Then, right after my dad died, I found out about Cara's pregnancy. Everything changed. My focus shifted entirely to that.

When Noelle was born, everything else faded away. She became my whole world. Through a parenting group, I met an older man who was married to another man. We started hanging out with our kids, and for the first time, I felt like I could breathe a little easier. I never told them outright that I was gay, but they understood.

They took me to a gay gathering, a place where I could meet other people who were in similar situations. Coming from a small town filled with homophobia, I knew I wasn't the only one scared to come out.

That's where I met Lucas. He was a few years older than me, and we started talking. A lot. It was a relief to find someone who got it, who knew what it was like to be stuck in the closet, especially in a place like ours. Lucas had been secretly dating a guy for a few months. He came from a conservative family, too, and being gay was something they never even mentioned—it was too dirty to talk about. But slowly, with his boyfriend's help, Lucas was starting to accept who he was. Hearing him talk about it helped me relax. If he could come to terms with it, maybe I could too.

For the first time in my life, I said the words out loud: "I'm gay."

But the next morning, everything fell apart. I woke up to a flood of missed calls, hundreds of text messages, and Facebook messages from people I didn't even know. One word kept showing up over and over: "fag."

My heart dropped.

Someone must have seen me at the gathering. I was one of the most popular guys in town, known as a womanizer, so when someone filmed me there, they couldn't resist posting it. On Facebook, I saw that I'd been tagged in multiple posts. The same video kept popping up. I hit play and watched myself on the screen, standing next to Lucas. I saw my mouth move and heard the words I'd said: "I'm gay."

I watched it again and again.

"I'm gay."

"I'm gay."

"I'm gay."

I couldn't believe it. I was in shock. How could I have been so careless?

After that, everything went downhill. The bullying was relentless. My so-called friends spat at me and called me a "faggot" every time they saw me. I went from being on top of the social ladder to hitting rock bottom.

If it weren't for Noelle, I don't know how I would've made it through.

I knew I couldn't let Noelle grow up in that town. I didn't want her surrounded by such closed-minded people.

When my father died, I found out he'd left me a house in another state—a place he'd never even told me about. For me, it was the fresh start I desperately needed. Along with the house, I also inherited a surprising amount of money, way more than I ever imagined. My father, who never spent a cent more than necessary on me—even begrudging me food—had somehow saved up a small fortune.

Within weeks, I sold our house in the town I grew up in, adding even more to my savings, and moved our lives to another state. I was ready for a new beginning.

The only thing that made me hesitate was leaving my mom's grave behind. But I knew she would want me and Noelle to be happy. She would have understood that I couldn't find that happiness there anymore.

The move went smoothly. The house my father left me was beautiful—a perfect place to start over with Noelle. Two bedrooms, a spacious kitchen, a big living and dining room, and a bathroom with both a shower and a tub. It was everything we needed.

I enrolled Noelle in kindergarten and signed myself up at the new high school. Despite what everyone thought, I'd always been a straight-A student, so the transition wasn't difficult.

And now, here I am.

________________________

"Justin, are you listening?" Perrie asks, snapping me out of my daze.

I find myself standing in front of the guy I just had a full-on mental hookup with—don't ask me how that happened, I'm still figuring it out.

"This is Zayn, my boyfriend!" Perrie says, all cheery and oblivious.

Fuck.