Zustin - A new start

Do you know how to prep?

Justin's POV:

We stumble into my bedroom, not breaking the kiss at all. Everything feels so right, after being with girls I've never been attracted to for years, to finally being with someone I want, being with Zayn. This is insane. My whole body feels like it's gonna explode.

"Do you wanna, you know, go further? Than kissing I mean." I ask while my lips are still connected to his.

"I've never done anything like this" Zayn says while breaking the kiss. "I mean with a guy you know, but yes fuck yes I do want to" he adds,
giving me a half smile

I look at him being so nervous, he's so fucking cute and sexy it's aggravating almost.

"Ive never done it either" I say admit, I feel shy saying it, but we need to talk about it.

"Wait what, you're a virgin?" He asks looking shocked.

I laugh. Hard. "Zayn. I have a daughter. She wasn't really convinced by a magic fairy spreading her glitter on top of me"

Zayn burst into laughter, I do too.

"I have no idea how I forgot about that, my mind went blank. Ive never really been nervous in situations like this, but I'm nervous as hell Justin. And you look so, fuck"

Zayn clears his throat and continued, "But you haven't been with a guy? Like, at all? Since you're, you know, gay and you've known for a long time."

"Yeah, I'm from a small town where being gay wasn't accepted at all. Growing up with a father who would hit me if I did anything that seemed even slightly 'gay' or 'feminine' made it worse. I'm not really into sports or any of the typical guy stuff, and I'm fine with hanging out with girls as much as with guys. But I could never be myself. I had to pretend to be someone I wasn't. I'd never kissed a guy until you," I say, smiling at him.

"And I've never done it sober either. I was always drunk, high, or both just to get through it with girls. I was trying to be someone I'm not and hated every second of it. So being here with you, Zayn, is incredibly special to me. For the first time, I really want this. No alcohol or drugs, just you and me." He's not answering so I continue.

"The reason I moved away is that I got outed. It's a long story, but basically, I had to leave because I couldn't walk down the street without getting called 'faggot.' It was traumatic, and that word still echoes in my mind. But I had Noelle, and I didn't want her growing up in a place where her father couldn't be himself. So we moved. And now I'm here with you, and it feels right. I want you to know how grateful I am." I look him in the eyes and realize I've spoken too much.

I add, trying to lighten the mood, "No homo though." I didn't meant to go that deep, but my feelings are overwhelming.

Zayn's expression suddenly turned sad, and I cursed myself for bringing up my trauma right before we were about to have sex.

"Fuck, I'm sorry Justin. I really can't imagine what you've been through. I'm so sorry. I don't know what to say. That must've been awful. I'm glad I'm here, and I really want this too. But fuck, I'm sorry you've felt like that. I can't believe people use that word so hatefully. It's insane. I'm so sorry," Zayn says, looking sincerely into my eyes.

"Zayn, it's okay. I'm okay. I'm more than okay right now," I say, pulling him into another kiss.

I kiss him hard, and he pushes me against the wall, pinning both of my hands over my head with one of his hands in a tight grip.

"Wait. Can Noelle hear us from here? Maybe we should stop," he says abruptly.

I knock on the wall and say, "It's concrete. You can't really hear anything with the doors closed."