Crazy Depressed People

Jude's POV Part 1

    Walking home from school thinking about how much I hate life wearing worn out shoes and hungry as fuck. Doesn't that sound fun? Well that's my every day.

        I got home, unlocked the door, and went inside. My mom wasn't home yet. Most people my age would love to be home alone, but I hated it so much. I don't really know why. I just don't like being lonely, and the house feels empty, quiet, and scary.

       My sister Lizzie wasn't home yet, she always got home late and I don't fucking know why. She doesn't seem right in the head these days- I still like it better when she's there though because I hated being alone.

       I went to my room and laid on the floor, staring at the ceiling. It'd be cool to jump off the top of our apartment building you know? I bet my mom would love that.

       My phone went off, it was Kendal. My...girlfriend. She wasn't exactly nice to me- but... I don't know-
      
       "Hey I'm boredddd you wanna come overrrr???" her text said. No, I didn't want to come over just for her to fuck me so much it hurts and then yell at me when I cry. That did not sound enjoyable at the moment. So I didn't reply.
 
        Then she texted again. "Why are you leaving me on read??" Fuck. She can tell.
What the fuck was I supposed to do? If I reply I'll have to come over, if I don't reply she'll yell and hit me next time I see her. So I lied, "Yeah sure, sorry I was in the bathroom" why am I so fucking stupid?

        "Oh alr babe See you soon" she replied. Why do I keep doing this to myself?

         I got up and glanced in the mirror before I left. She would yell at me if I "didn't look good enough for her".  Acne and messy hair, perfect. She'll love it. I can't wait to yelled at.
    
        I got to her house and knocked on the door. She answered immediately as always.

        "Hey, what took you so long? And why do you look so shitty?" She asked me.

        "Oh- uh- sorry- I- and I don't know- and... I- don't know-?" I answered meekly.

         She scoffed and let me in, practically dragging me up to her room. She shut and locked the door.

         I frowned slightly, knowing what happens now.

         "What's wrong?" She demanded.

         "..nothing-?" I squeaked

         She rolled her eyes at me. "Jude why do you always come to my house looking like shit? Or do you just always look like shit? Why are you so fucking shitty? Have you been gaining weight? You look even fatter than you already were! Judas, you have to look good for me! Why do you hate me so much you don't even try?! And you always stammer when you talk to me! Why do you torture me babe?! You're so weak. WHY DO I EVEN WASTE MY TIME WITH YOU?!" She said to me.

       I was shaking, holding back tears as she said all of that. Why can't I just be good enough for her, then she wouldn't be so mean. Maybe I need to eat less- But I'm not eating at all as is. How can there be less than that?

      Then she slapped me, straight across my face. I squinted my eyes shut and flinched. A couple tears streamed down my face. Fuck.

      "Don't cry, idiot." She slapped me again, harder this time. "You're so weak."

       More tears streamed down my face. Why do I have to be so fucking weak and ugly.
 
       Suddenly, she started kissing me roughly. I kissed back. I had learned not to fight her at this point. Then she pushed me onto her bed and pinned me down, kissing me more aggressively. She started to strip me. I've become fairly good at not crying during this part over the last few months.

       "Why don't you help me daddy~?" She asked me. It was more of a demand though.

        "Okay-" I gave in and started to remove her shirt.

        "That's not what I taught you to say isn't it daddy?" She told me.

         "..yes mommy" I whispered. Why the fuck did she like that name? It's so fucking weird and disgusting.

          Hours later, I had finally escaped Kendal and was back home. I didn't eat dinner, I just went to my room and...used a knife for a different reason. It's fun, I know.