Crazy Depressed People

Colbys's POV Part 2

                A few days after my attempt, I was back home. I had heard the news about Liz. Yay, so much fun.

            Of course my step mom Karen had to yell at me about "all the reasons I should stay alive" when they were all just reasons I should've just died to be honest.

            When I finally escaped Karen and got to my room, -well technically I shared a room but whatever- I couldn't find my book. Shit. Karen had been threatening to take my books away ever since we moved in with her, but I never thought it'd actually happen! To be honest this was worse than getting beat or something.

           I looked around the room for literally any other book. They were all gone. Why did she hate me?

           I couldn't read something random on Wattpad either because guess what? Stupid Karen blocked it with family link yay! That's probably illegal because she's not actually my parent, but she didn't care.

           I was so done with this fucking shit.

           Then my half sister Kiley burst in.

          "Hi Colby! My mommy said to tell you you're grounded and to come give her your phone right now!" She said happily. Then giggled, and ran back downstairs.

          I sighed and went downstairs. I hesitantly walked up to Karen and slowly handed her my phone.

          "Took you long enough." She said as she grabbed it, then walked away.

           I ran back upstairs and into my room. That wasn't as bad as I thought. How in her mind is attempting suicide something she should ground me for? Like what the fuck was wrong with her? Also why is taking away books part of grounding now. I wanna die so bad this place sucks.

           Josh had to come here tomorrow, I usually hated it when he was here. Because I get constantly compared to him, and shit like that. But to be honest, this time I was kind of looking forward to it. I felt bad for it though, because it was so terrible here. But since hearing about what happened with Liz, and with what Josh told me after my attempt, I hoped it'd be a little better between us. And as much as I hated to admit it, I needed him.

          Eventually, my step brother Chase came into our room. He was the only chill step sibling, and was actually helpful. He just sat on his bed, quietly drawing who knows what, like he almost always did. Sometimes he'd show me what he drew, he was really good. He kept most of his art private though, he's just a pretty private person in general.

         I pulled out a bin I had some of my clothes in, reached to the bottom, and pulled out my big strawberry plushie that was definitely not named Seedy. My mom had given it to me shortly before she died. I had to keep it hidden from everyone but Chase, and Josh. Because if my step mom, or step sister knew about it, they'd most likely destroy it just to hurt me.
  
         I sat on my bed, and hid under my blanket so Chase couldn't see me. I hugged Seedy as tight as I could, buried my face into her, and cried silently. I definitely didn't do this extremely often.

         Today was one of those days when I missed my mom so fucking much. I loved her, and I needed her so badly, especially recently.

         When I was little she'd take me and my brother to the hair place she worked at. She'd get her hair dyed, and I'd wanna be, "just like mommy" and match her. So I'd get mine dyed the same as hers. It was usually lavender purple, and I still dyed my hair that same color. Even though I didn't exactly love the color, I still did it. Sometimes I'd hate that my hair was that color, because it was too painful to be reminded of her. But most days it was just one of my only ways to feel close to her.  Today I needed to feel as close to her as possible.