leah williamson x y/n - one shots

fighting the thoughts

Warning⚠️ talk of eating disorders

A/N: again this is semi linked to previous stories so please read the incident (both parts) and just eat before this one :))

Y/N's POV

"Leah I feel sick." I admitted.

We were heading out for food today with the England girls to help me overcome some fears around my eating. I personally didn't feel ready at all, but now that I was back in training and doing small bouts of exercise every day, Leah and the girls figured it was time to try things out.

"You're fine, you're just nervous. Get your shoes on." Leah replied.

I sat down on the sofa and tied my shoelaces, taking many deep breaths as I did it so that I could stop myself from having any panic attacks.

"I don't feel ready for this, I can't lie." I said.

"I know, but if we try to take that jump today then we might end up further along than expected." Mary said, giving me a reassuring smile. "We're all behind you,
Y/N."

"It's not about how much you eat, it's about pushing yourself to try and eat something, taking that step." Leah said as we headed out the door to the car.

We arrived at the restaurant and sat down at our table, luckily the restaurant was quite quiet, which calmed my nerves a little. We sat down and were handed a bunch of menus, to which Leah took them all and began flicking through, before passing one to me.

"That one's yours, the rest of you take any of them." she said.

"Wait, what's so different about mine?" I asked, confused.

"Your menu doesn't have the calories on," Leah said. "The government brought this shitty rule in during Covid that all menus had to have the calories on them, but in some places you can ask for menus without them, which is why we've come here."

It warmed my heart how much Leah cared for me. Since slipping up and saying some awful things to me, she was so careful with everything and stayed right by my side at all times to help me get through it.

"That's so sweet, thanks Leah." I smiled, picking up the menu.

"Deep breaths, Y/N." Alessia said, watching my hands shake as I picked the menu up. "You've got this."

I knew Alessia understood how scary today would be for me, so having her here with me helped me so much.

We ordered our drinks first. I just got a water, while some of the others got fizzy drinks. Then it came to food, and my heart skipped a beat. Fear food after fear food. I began to panic, not knowing what to do or how to tell the girls how scared I was. I put the menu down as I started to sweat, the girls noticing almost instantly.

"Y/N breathe, you're okay. What is it?" Leah asked, wrapping her arm around my shoulders.

"I can't do this." I whispered.

"Yes you can I promise. I'm here to help, we all are. Is there anything on here that you before your eating disorder loved?" Leah asked, holding the menu and looking at it with me. I couldn't get my words out, but pointed to the macaroni cheese with garlic bread.

"Okay, shall we give it a try?" Leah asked. I shook my head.

"I can't Leah." I replied, looking at her as my eyes filled up with tears.

"You've got this my darling." Lucy said from across the table.

"Even if you struggle when it comes, that's okay. All you can do is try and we'll be proud of you no matter what." Millie smiled at me.