leah williamson x y/n - one shots

you're skipping again

(linked to the other one shots regarding eating disorders: "the incident" "just eat" and "fighting the thoughts")

Y/N's POV

I'd been doing better for a few months, getting myself back into training, and beginning to eat at least one meal a day, sometimes with the odd snack in between. I still had a long way to go but I was proud of myself for continuing to push myself every day. I had even started wearing some of my old clothes again, the ones I used to wear before my eating disorder.

I finished training with the Arsenal girls and headed through to the showers, the sweat was dripping off of me and I needed to get myself cleaned up. Once I was done, I quickly got changed and went home to enjoy a relaxing afternoon before getting sorted to go off to England camp tomorrow. We had qualifiers for the Euros coming up so I had to have a good rest for today so I was all refreshed and ready to go. I couldn't wait to see all the girls again.

I got home and quickly changed into some comfier clothes. I was scrolling through TikTok for a while until my phone started to ping. Normally I wouldn't get this many notifications, as my Instagram ones were switched off, but these ones were different. I was getting emails and texts as if there was no tomorrow, which made no sense to me. I opened one email, to find it was The Sun, made up of nasty journalists who always try to sell false stories for money.

Much to my disbelief, we'd been photographed after training as we headed back to our cars. I had a breakfast bar in my hand and a lucozade, which was normal for after training, but the captions on the photos made everything worse.

"Y/N Y/L/N looking plump heading back to car after training for The Gunners, with Leah Williamson and Steph Catley"

My heart sank.

I instantly felt my chest tighten, the fear of looking fat because I had become a healthy weight again hit me like a ton of bricks. All I could think about was how I looked. I had only just got back to a healthy weight, and despite still struggling, I had finally started to get better, but in a split second, I found myself back at square one. I ran to the kitchen and grabbed a large glass, filling it up with water and chugging it in one go, my brain spiralling down a deep rabbit hole every second. Panic set in and I all of a sudden couldn't breathe. I had no energy to call anyone, and quite frankly I felt like no one would care either, so I had to push my way through the panic attack that was bubbling up, on my own.

I woke up about half an hour later on the floor, having fallen asleep due to the lack of energy. I stood up slowly and headed upstairs, my legs shaking with every step. I sat down on my bed, looking over at the mirror. I looked worse than I ever had. I looked disgusting.

"I knew I shouldn't have eaten that fucking breakfast bar!" I shouted at myself, breaking down in a heap on my bed. I picked up my phone, desperately wanting to call someone, but I couldn't. I even had a text off Leah asking if I had everything packed for tomorrow, but I ignored it, throwing my phone across the room as I saw another email come through. I knew this would send me back to the start, and all I wanted was to be skinny so it didn't bother me at all. I just had to cry it out first before I started losing the weight again, knowing no one would notice.

The Next Day

I drove to Wembley where we were being picked up for the bus to St George's. I was exhausted, despite having a long sleep last night, but the lack of food I had after seeing those photographs was the reason for it. I didn't care though, I just needed to feel hungry to feel okay. By the time the girls started arriving, I was about to get on the bus. I felt sick at the thought of everything, I didn't even want to go to camp, but I had been called up for a reason, and I was trying my best to let that keep me going.