Heena felt like she'd slowly slip into depression. She was still sitting in the washroom crying her heart out.
Placing her hands on her ears she tried to shut down Vihaan's father's words from earlier that day that rang in her ears like alarm.
The words made her feel disgusted with herself and the man who spoke them.
Heena was sitting in the living room scrolling through the channels on the television when she saw her mother-in-law come out from her room.
Heena sat straighter waiting for the woman's next moves. The sudden action of sitting upright sent a wave of dizziness through her head.
She had been feeling weak and lightheaded lately.
“Vihaan ke papa ke liye ek cup chai bana do.”
Her mother-in-law ordered and then went back to her room. Heena sprung up and got into action.
Placing the tea cup along with the biscuits he had with his tea on the tray, she took it to their room. Entering the room after a soft knock, she bend down and placed the tray in front of his father.
His father gave a glance down her form and made a disgusted face. Heena felt really awkward seeing that look but didn't say anything.
“Dupatta kaha hai?”
She looked at him taken aback by his acidic tone.
“Ji-wo-iss dress ke saath -”
She was wearing a collar kurti with ¾ sleeves. A duppatta with this kurti would be weird plus her neck and chest area were already covered enough that didn't feel the need to take one.
“Iss dress ke saath matlab? Ab tumhe dress bataiyega ki kab jism dhakna hai kab nhi?”
Heena looked at him wide eyed.
“Papa-”
“Tumhare yaha chal jaata hoga ye sab. Hamare yaha bahuye sistachar aur izzat se rehti hai. Khud ko dhak kr rkhti hai. Aise saas sasur ke saamne nang dhadang nhi ghumti.”
Heena felt creeps down her body. As if somebody had put thousands of insects on her.
“Maine kapde pehne huye hai papa. Aur decent kapde pehne. Jism covered hai mera aur aap baar baar mere ghar walo ko beech mai na laaye. Maana hamare religions alag hai apas mai mat bhed bhi hai lekin iska matlab ye nhi hai ki hum izzatdaar log nhi hai.”
She confronted the man who was still glaring at her and looking at her with disgusted expressions.
“Izzatdar? Aise bina dupatte ke ghumte huye sharm nhi aa rhi ki upar se jubaan lada rhi ho? Decent kapde? Covered? Sab kuch nazar aa raha hai neeche ka. Bahu ho. Sasur ke saamne dhak kr aana chahiye ki wo ek nazar utha kr dekhe toh kuch dikhe na-”
Heena couldn't hear anymore and ran to her room. It's been 4 hours and she has been locked inside the washroom crying.
How can someone speak such vile words about anyone let alone their family member? She knew they did not consider her their family but she was their son's wife for God's sake.
If she was being respectful towards them, she expected atleast a little of it from them too. Maybe not as their son's wife even, but she deserved the respect as a woman.
All she wanted at the moment was to run into Vihaan's arms and find solace there. Cry into his chest and tell him everything that happened with her. But she couldn't. She could not destroy his relationship with his parents.
She knew he'd fight the world for her. She knew if she told him what happened, he'd be angry and shattered. Angry at what she was subjected to. And shattered at who subjected it to her.
So, for the sake of him and his love for her she decided to let the event go, promising herself that she would tell him if anything like this happened again.
She washed her face and got our of the washroom after making sure she looked fine. Just as she got out, Vihaan entered in the room frowning.
“Here you are! Mai tumhe bahar dhund raha tha. You didn't wait for me today?”
He pouted and took his daily dose of hug from her. She hugged him tighter, her throat clogging with emotions, words dying to come out but could not.
“You okay?”
He asked probably sensing something amiss. That's what she loved about him. He read her without her even speaking. Planting a smile on her face she nodded.
“You sure? You know you can tell me anything, right?”
She nodded again and somehow got the words out of her mouth.
“Everything's ok. I just feel too tired lately. Dizzy feel hota hai ek dum se kuch karu toh.”
He looked at her with a newfound hope and asked in a slow whisper.
“Could it be-”
“No. I am still getting my periods. So no, I am not pregnant.”
He nodded feeling a little disappointed. Did that mean he wanted a baby? But it was too early. And she wasn't ready.
“Let's see a doctor then. It could be something serious.”
“Itna major nhi hai. Kabhi kabhi lagta hai. Maybe just iron deficiency.”
“But phir bhi-”
“I'll tell you if it feels serious, ok?”
He nodded still unsure and went to freshen up. She sighed looking at his retreating back. How could she tell him what his own father had said to her? Those vile words.
It would break his heart. And she couldn't hurt him.
Just this time. I promise I'll tell if it happens again.
She promised herself and went out to reheat and set dinner for both of them. Crying for such a long time exhausted her and she felt really hungry.
Some more months passed by and it was Vihaan and Heena's 6 month marriage anniversary. They weren't celebrating. She didn't believe in such things. She wanted to spend a lifetime with him. 6 months was nothing in front of it, nothing worth celebrating.
Her health had started deteriorating. She hadn't told Vihaan but she felt severe cramps during her periods which didn't happen before. Her cycle got very irregular and she even felt lightheaded to the extent she almost fainted once. All this wasn't normal to her.
Heena entered the kitchen to make herself some lemonade because she felt extremely dizzy. Maybe some salt would help. She left the glass on the counter to fetch some salt and saw her mother-in-law from the shining cabinet doors. She was sneaking in a pill in her lemonade when she wasn't looking.
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