The Beautiful Truth

** 70

He knew all along, from the instant it happened, that he would have to be the one to make the first move...to reach out in the aftermath. Stupidly, he held out as long as he did, hoping he was wrong.

In his dreams, Sawyer Fitzgerald would come meet him in his driveway, apathetically catch the first football he'd lob in her direction and say something like..."Barton who?"

But he knew that was a little greedy, not to mention about as useful as trying to will a river to change direction. So, it was up to him.

"What did you do," his mom demanded, barging into the bathroom while he was in the shower Sunday morning.

Talyn jumped, then rolled his eyes and turned to rinse the shampoo from his hair. This was not unusual, he reminded himself. Throughout high school, when she wanted to corner him, this was how she'd do it. Trap him in the shower.

It wasn't a question, what she just said. It was a statement. Or an accusation...not really an unreasonable accusation, either, but she didn't know that yet. He knew better than to keep it from her though. She wouldn't let him out of the shower 'til he spilled it.

Talyn sighed. "Well, for one, I made an official visit to Cal last weekend. I don't know if you heard about that or not."

Outside, Taryn groaned. "Yeah, aside from the football ramifications..." she began. "Ah, Talyn, you're my oldest son, and I love you more than you could ever begin to understand, but sometimes you are so clueless."

Talyn cocked his head under the steamy water. No need to ask her to elaborate; she loved rambling on with parental advice.

He heard her jump up on the counter and get situated. She meant business.

"Do you have any idea what high school was like for her?" Taryn asked.

"Not the best?" Talyn asked, concentrating more on not getting soap in his eyes than his mom's train of thought.

Taryn exhaled loudly. "Talyn, Jesus, she was miserable. Nobody knew her as Sawyer, she was always Sawyer, Talyn's girl friend...but not his girlfriend. Like...all one word: Sawyer-Talyn's-girl-friend-but-not-his-girlfriend."

Talyn considered this momentarily.

"Do you remember when she got into Cal? She was so..." she paused. "You know, to you she just looked happy, but to me...she looked relieved."

Talyn rinsed his ace and squinted at the showerhead. "Relieved?"

"Don't you get it, yet?" Taryn almost laughed.

Talyn was starting to get annoyed.

"Sawyer went to Cal, and she got her own identity, Talyn," she explained.

And Talyn felt like Oklahoma's biggest ass. Although...didn't the FFA give out that prize at the state fair every fall? He'd have to keep that in mind, next time he was feeling arbitrarily competitive. He was a fuckin' shoe-in.

"Listen to me," Taryn announced as if she could hear his stream of consciousness.

Talyn cleared his throat. Oh. Right. Back to feeling like shit.

"Sawyer loves you...more selflessly that I've probably ever seen one person love another, but if you love her, you've gotta let her be her own person."

He was silent.

"She's too nice to tell you that of course, but it's true. Pontiac was yours...let Berkeley be hers."

Fuck my life, Talyn thought. Why hadn't he thought of that? Oh right, because as his mom just pointed out, he was a self-absorbed asshole. Awesome.

"Also, I kinda kissed her," he admitted, knowing again, that she'd beat it out of him eventually, so why not spare himself the torture.

Taryn was so quiet that Talyn almost poked his head out of the shower curtain to make sure she was still there.

"Kinda?" she finally asked.

"I did. I really did," he grumbled. "I—"

"Well, it's about time, I guess," his mom said, sounding almost amused.

Talyn rolled his eyes and started washing his body.

"Your timing blows," she added.

"Tell me something I don't know," he muttered.

Taryn scoffed. "So what are you gonna do now?"

Talyn laughed a bitter, humorless laugh. "I have no goddamn idea."

Usually, she'd have scolded him for the profanity. Apparently, this situation warranted it though, and he was thus excused.

"I feel like an ass," he sighed, leaning his head against the shower wall while the soap rinsed from his back.

Taryn sighed. "If I know Sawyer, she's just as confused as you, so...you can either talk about it...or you can pretend nothing happened, which is what I'd be my life Sawyer is hoping you'll do...but, um..." Taryn hesitated as Talyn turned off the water. "Is that what you want?"

Talyn wrapped a towel around his waist and pulled back the curtain. His mom was still on the counter, watching him as if she thought he was contemplating taking his Schick Quattro to his wrist.

He raised his eyebrows and waited for her to get the hint. She hopped down and patted his chest twice before letting herself out.

Talyn, meanwhile, took a long look at himself in the mirror, having wiped away some of the fog. Well...if Sawyer wanted to pretend like this never happened, he could do that.

For a while, at least.