The Beautiful Truth

// 142

Being on set during filming over the last week had felt like one never-ending out of body experience. I don't know why my brain refused to let me comprehend this as my reality. Dr. Bovich was right, I had made this happen. I wrote the thing. I helped cast it, and I had been there, as stipulated in my contract, every step of the way leading up to this point, but now that it was happening, and we were in the thick of things, and I was privy to watching these surprisingly wonderful, unbelievably talented people breathe life into something so personal to me, I was having trouble understanding how it could possibly be happening.

In short, it was a dream come true.

Today, most of our scenes were at the height of the love story between Grant and Madison, and I'd, honestly, had about enough of watching Charlie and Hadley make out at the top of Sather Tower. So, as they wrapped up their sunset scenes, I took Jordan on a special mission.

Jordan was a mystery to me. She had been nothing but professional, both on screen and off, but I had yet to really get to know her the way I had everyone else here. She retreated to San Francisco every night as soon as we wrapped, and it wasn't that she seemed irritated with the rest of us at times, but rather she seemed to be holding in what she really wanted to say.

"Are you having a good time?" I asked her as we walked through downtown Berkeley on the way to one of my favorite spots.

She smiled at me graciously. "You get what I'm doing, right? I'm not always this reserved, or closed off. I'm just trying to stay in character...you know...be like Ellie."

And it all made sense. Probably more sense than it would to just about anyone else, because what Jordan didn't know yet is that by acting as Ellie, she was basically acting as me. In any case, finally understanding her method acting approach made me even more excited for the task at hand.

"You think I want to be away from all you guys while we're filming? Heck no!" she admitted. "I really, really like you guys, but I think I can better portray her if I keep that separation there, you know?"

I nodded and smiled to myself. "Thank you for doing this."

"Doing what?" she asked quietly.

"All of it, I guess," I admitted. "I really meant 'thank you for meeting her,' but also thank you for being in my movie."

"Are you kidding me?" she suddenly exclaimed. "Sawyer, your script is amazing. And I want to meet her so I can get some inside information on the real person. I'm actually kind of nervous."

"So am I," I admitted. "Although I'm nervous every time I see her."

Jordan frowned at me with concern. "Surely you don't think she blames you."

I shook my head. "No. But you'll see," I smiled shakily.

Jordan, Charlie and Hadley had all sat down with me for a few hours before principal photography began, and I basically poured my heart out to them in the most unabashed, unapologetic way possible—I read them parts of the journal I'd kept as a kid in Pontiac, Oklahoma. It was scary for me; I couldn't think of another way to express how important this story was to me than to be completely vulnerable about it. Afterward, what I got was a vow from three actors to do their very best to handle these roles with the utmost care, and a friendship between all of us that I was unlikely to forget for the rest of my life. They understood that I'd chosen them for these parts...as important as the players were to me, Jordan, Charlie and Hadley were the ones I trusted to bring them to life.

Yes. Trust. That's what happened.

Soon enough, we walked into Jaime's wine bar. Jaime Washington glowed, as usual, making a recommendation to a couple who sat at the table by the open windows of her store front. She looked up to meet me just as Jordan and I crossed the threshold, and beamed.