The Beautiful Truth

// 78

It all happened so fast.

I left Jason and Talyn just after Jack's Mannequin started tuning their instruments. Barton and I were going to watch them from backstage.

But, when I got there, Seth shrugged and told me to check the bus. In retrospect, the way he wouldn't meet my eyes should have tipped me off. Slightly apprehensive, but still in a good mood, I walked out the back door toward the band's bus.

As I got closer, I could hear someone yelling inside. And by the time I got to the door, I could tell it was Barton.

"I don't care, we're out of here tonight," he bellowed. "I can't believe that—"

"Don't you think you should at least talk to h—"

"NO. Find our drummer. And our driver. Fuck her, and fuck this place. Jack's can hitch a ride on the other bus."

Her? Fuck...her? My heart dropped and I felt weak in the knees. There had to be something I was missing. I reached out to steady myself on the side of the bus just as Alex stormed out the door.

He noticed me from the corner of his eyes, paused long enough to roll his eyes at me and shake his head, then moved past me with purpose, headed back inside.

Some preternatural force was moving my legs up the stairs of the bus. Barton was sitting with his back against the opposite window with a fifth of Jack Daniel's in one hand and a joint in the other.

"Did you think I wouldn't know?" he all but growled at me.

I felt the color flush from my face, then come rushing back with furious intensity. There is no way he could've known—

"I mean, how could you? How could you think I wouldn't notice that guy, holding on to your fucking belt loops and touching you like that—joking around like I wasn't ten goddamn yards away from you with a bird's eye view of the whole scene?"

I could only stare at him. I didn't think I'd done anything out of the ordinary.

"Go to hell, Sawyer."

I couldn't breathe, let alone argue.

"Barton..." I whispered. "I didn't—"

"It's written all over your face, love," he said with biting sarcastic condescension. "We're leaving. Have fun fucking your boyfriend tonight."

I blinked, still in shock. "I—"

Barton seemed to look right through me. "Get off my bus. I never want to see you again. I can't believe I was stupid enough to trust such a wh—"

"OH-kay," I stopped him short. I felt like a whore already; he didn't need to say the word.

Barton just rolled his eyes.

I struggled to breathe, still, but couldn't cry. I was definitely in shock.

The man I loved more than any other, looked at me with eyes like razor blades and raised his eyebrows.

Gone.

That's the only word that could describe it. Behind his now glassy gray eyes, there was a crushing emptiness. That did it.

I gasped for air, feeling the sobs build deep down, and turned and ran off the bus.

Ironic as it seemed, Andy McMahon and co. were in the middle of MFEO...moving into You Can Breathe.

Yeah, not really.

I couldn't go back inside. All those songs that meant so much to me...to us. I sat down on the concrete outside the stage door, trying to collect myself. Talyn and Jason didn't need to deal with me like this...although I had no idea how I was going to explain this to them.

But that was for me to figure out in what seemed to be the distant future. Right now, all I could handle was trying to maintain respiration. Despite everything that had happened—everything that had come to light since he'd been gone, I loved him most of all. Talyn loved me, but Barton—finding him—was like finding my missing piece.

And just as soon as I'd reconnected with him, I'd gone and run him off.

And that was the most confusing part of all—I'd been so completely consumed with watching Barton while he performed, that I had no idea what was going on around me, least of all what Talyn was doing to me. I had no memory of him doing any of what Barton was talking about.

It didn't matter. I hoped in vain that Barton would come sauntering off that bus with a 'what's up, pretty girl?' as if it had all been a bad dream. No such luck.

Some time later, Alex and Seth walked outside, toting instrument cases and various other backstage flotsam. Alex only sighed loudly as he passed me on the sidewalk. He didn't come back from the bus.

Seth made one last trip inside. On his way back, he stopped next to me.

I looked up at him, still hugging my knees to my chest as I had been for an indeterminate amount of time. Could have been five minutes, could have been five hours.

Seth looked down at me for a split second before looking back at the bus across the parking lot.

"Yeah, I don't know what happened in there, either, but you and I both know Barton Black has trust issues unparalleled..." he trailed off. "I'll miss you, kid. Hang in there."

And then he reached up behind his right ear and pulled down a fresh joint, put it between his lips long enough to light it, then passed it down to me.

I hesitated for a second, then accepted it, hoping he was planning on staying long enough to share until it was done.

"I told your friends where to find you...told 'em to give you ten minutes or so...so straighten up, and uh..."

I inhaled deeply. I almost choked, recognizing the taste of the same kind of pot I'd 'stole' from Barton outside 415 on the night we met.

I could feel it start to kick in immediately, and leaned back on my palms after wiping my eyes with one hand.

"See ya, Sawyer."

Seth took off across the lot as the bus started. I didn't react. All I could do was take another drag.