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"How are you so okay with everythig between you and Ricky?" Gina asked as the girls walked the empty hallways.
"What makes you think I'm okay with everything?" Gracie countered as her and Ricky's last conversation replayed over and over again in her head.
"Well, you're talking to him, being civil," she pointed out. "You have to be on some level of okay for you to get through it."
Gracie shrugged not knowing how to answer. "Ricky has been in my life since we were toddlers. He helped me through the darkest parts of my life. And I'm returning that favor by being there for him whenever he needs me."
"Even when you get hurt for being there for him?" Gina asked, causing both of the girls to stop walking.
"If I need to get hurt for him to be happy, I'm okay with that."
"Gracie," Gina looked at the girl in disbelief.
"No, don't look at me like that," she shook her head, not liking the pitying look she was getting. "It's not just him, I would do that for any of my friends."
"That doesn't make it better," Gina protested. "Gracie, you're so worried about everyone else, but who's going to get hurt to make sure you're happy."
"I'm happy knowing my friends are happy."
"Is that the lie you keep telling yourself?" Gina questioned. "Because from the past few months that I've known you, you are not that happy person you pretend to be."
"What?" Gracie scoffed.
"You know, I am also the person that has really good walls built up to keep people out," Gina explained. "You and I are the same with that. But there are a few cracks I have seen in your walls. I saw it in the dressing room after your talk with Ricky. I saw it at the New Years Eve party when you were looking at Ricky. I even saw it earlier today after you walked back into rehearsals. You are not as happy as you seem to others.
"And you know what you should be happy, because you are an amazingly selfless person, who puts up with a lot of shit. I can't force you to try to find your own happiness, I've already tried that and that only made you hide how you felt more. But please, for your own well-being, stop lying to yourself. It's okay to not be okay."
***
After Gina's big speech, Gracie found herself back in the bomb shelter with most of the group, (Carlos and Gina were currently missing). However she didn't feel like talking much as she ran over all of the points Gina said, hating how each one was more true than the last.
What she was doing to herself wasn't healthy, Gracie had always known that, but it was hard to break out of habits you have done all your life. Helping people made Gracie feel needed and she got joy from that. But that sense of joy wouldn't last long and as the warm feeling in her heart left, it would leave her feeling like she didn't have a heart at all.
