i wanna say
that i can cry on command
but i think i'm just sad.
i'm sad as i listen to
sweet carolina
by lana del rey
in my cheap wireless earbuds
that work surprisingly well
even though they're from my tween toy heaven.
i'm sad as i gaze into my heart-shaped mirror
and watch as i mess up my makeup that took me
too long because i wanted to feel pretty for a girl i like
who i won't even see for a whole nother week.
i'm sad as she whispers "baby blue"
into my ear
because i love her obscure lyrics
that i try so hard to imitate
because why doesn't she like me?
she might love me
but she does not want to kiss me
she doesn't wanna play out my stupid fantasies about love
but it's not cheating if i'm only imagining her
you stupid boy.
but really i'm the stupid one for stringing him along
and telling him that he's the most important thing to me
and getting angry at my world
for giving me a silver medal and telling me that i'm in second place,
or even worse,
participation.
but i did the same thing to him.
now though,
i think i love him.
and he makes me feel safe.
but we won't hang out
not while my mother's around
so we should just get married
so i don't have to cry behind closed doors anymore
and you can hold me as long as i live
until i am no longer just an annoying passion tucked behind your ear.
we can be beautiful
or you can make me feel like i am
