i wish i had a role model.
and i envy the little girls that had
a big sister figure
to guide them down the big, twisty, dangerous road
of girlhood.
but i gave up that chunk of me
a long time ago,
because that no longer applies to me.
a little rat man came and took it.
he said "no girl?"
and i said "yea"
and he nodded and paced and nodded.
all i could think about was the little noises his padded feet made,
the shaking,
trembling,
his little body did.
he pulled out his paperwork and said
"sign here"
so i did and i turned into a little rat man too.
sometimes,
i mourn my girlhood.
i am not a lady,
that label was stripped from me and shipped off to foreign lands,
or rather,
i stripped myself of it.
but, it's better this way.
i'm a boy.
i'm a boy.
i am a boy.
