Heavenly Virtues

Part 60

Connor rubbed his eye as he made his way down the hall, the sleeping arrangements were shit, he had shared a bed with Murphy when they were wee lads but sharing a single bed now meant neither of them slept well. He heard murmurs from the kitchen that made him stop dead in his tracks. He rested his back against the wall and listened in. It had been so long since he had heard her voice, it was somber, but it was her.

"It was my fault..." Connor heard her murmur. His heart ached in his chest, he didn't want her to feel guilty about the baby, it wasn't her that should carry that weight, but he was happy she was getting it out. "I ran, ran from the boys. It was stupid, I thought the distance would help. They would finish this death wish, and I would maybe get some space to think about things. There was some really mean shit said that day." She said with a sigh.

"I could've gone to the pub, stayed there, my granda would've let me, I just thought home would be better." There was a pause and Conner furrowed his brows as he wondered who she was talking to and what about. Wasn't she talking about the baby?

"You know, I keep thinking back to the last thing I said to them, trying to remember, but it was all so hectic." Connor heard her voice crack, sniffles as she tried to compose herself. "Those men, they just came in. They were looking for me, but they killed my parents. I couldnt do anything, they just...." Connors heart felt like it had stopped in his chest. Her parents?

The small sobs he heard from the kitchen pulled his attention back to the conversation she was having. "It was my fault. I shouldn't have gone home, I knew there were bad men that were looking to settle a score because of this vigilante shit." She said, a bit of anger slipping though the greif. "I went there anyway. I lead them right to my parents. Why did I do that?" She said, looking for an answer she didn't need an answer to.

"Comfort, lass." Conner turned his head to the side at his Da's voice, she was confiding in him? "Home felt safe." She seemed to accept that answer as she stayed quiet. Connor stood still, wondering if he should continue to the kitchen or make his way back to the bed room. Before he could make up his mind, she spoke again.

"I don't know how to deal with this greif, my parents... the baby. It's just so much, and the boys blame me, I know they do." "Whoa, darlin, they don't blame you." Noah cut in in a quiet and comforting tone.

Connor couldn't believe what he was hearing, why would she think they blamed her for any of it? "Yes they do. You weren't there that day. The day I left. They accused me of awful things, saying I didn't want the baby." Connor was painfully aware of his heart now, feeling like it was being ripped from his chest.

"I was scared, in the beginning. I was terrified, but only because of what my life had been up until then. I didn't know how to bring a baby into it all, and that was before the Saints." Connor leaned his head against the wall, all the guilt of the past couple weeks coming down on him hard. "I know they're grieving, I am too, I just want to apologize to them about it all, I didn't want to lose the baby. I tried." Her sobs echoed out through the house as Connor heard his Da comfort her.

He wanted to go out there, hug her, hold her, tell her they didn't blame her, but he didn't. Instead, he found himself walking back to the bed room, distancing himself from the woman he loved, because the guilt was eating him alive. He opened the bedroom door and closed it tight behind him, quietly, not to let her know he had heard them. He barely noticed Murphy pulling his shirt over his head.

As pissed as Murphy was at Connor, he couldn't help from asking him why he was upset, the expression on Connors face leaving a feeling of concern in his brother. "What?" Murphy asked in a cool tone. Connor sat on the end of the bed, staring at the door. "Ashley's parents." He said with a distant look in his eye. This caught Murphys attention, causing him to put out the cigarette he had been smoking and step in front of his brother, looking for his eyes.