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This is set after the 2nd snippet in the oneshot book 🧍🏽♀️.
Beyoncé | Los Angeles
Miscarriage after Miscarriage. Negative after Negative. Heartbreak after Heartbreak.
Even though I felt like I was at the top of the world whenever I was on stage, the second I got off and the thundering sound of the crowd quieted, I felt like I was at my lowest point whenever I got off.
I felt like my life was in between being complete and being broken. Between Shawn's constant lying and cheating, it felt like I would never accomplish my one overall dream of becoming a mother. My relationship with Shawn was always going to be a dying one because of his infidelities.
To make matters worse, the man's sperm also had the amazing inability to get me pregnant. Well, even when it did I was only able to keep that pregnant feeling for only four weeks max before I miscarried. I've seen countless doctors about it but they've all told me that there was nothing wrong on my end. Whatever was going on was solely on Shawn's end.
During the time when Shawn and I separated because one of his scandals got outed, I came up with the idea to get a sperm injection. I didn't want to go about having a baby all wrong and sleep with someone so I wanted to go the more safer route and get a donor. I went through the process and everything went smoothly.
I found a pair who when I read her file, I just knew it in my heart to choose her. She donated her sperm for someone in need of it and I was that person.
Solina Smith.
I chose Solina which slightly surprised the nurses and my family because nobody was brave enough to go through with using an intersex woman's sperm for there types of things. But, I didn't care about the intersex thing. Her reasons for donating is what drew me towards her.
Going through with the sperm and going through the milestones of pregnancy were amazing, for the most part. I mean, the pregnancy feeling was nice as there were no complications and everything was perfect but, it felt wrong.
Shawn shouldn't have been in the position of taking care of me or being able to witness all these milestones Blue achieved.
It should've been her Mama.
I decided that I'll wait a few years to try and contact her. I was gonna do it when Blue hit her yearly mark but I chickened out so bad. I had her number and I let it rang but before anyone could pick up, I hung up. I knew that I couldn't let Shawn believe that Blue was his forever.
I didn't understand how he thought Blue was his anyway. She looked nothing like him in any way. When she was a baby she looked like me and as she got older, she started to look more like Solina in the photo I asked for a copy of from her file.
I kept that photo with me wherever I went. I didn't know why but I always looked at it whenever I was alone. Or dealing with the aftermath of another one of Shawn's scandals. The photo of her alone brought me comfort and it made me wonder how it would feel if she was actually here.
"Juju? You gonna call the number baby?" Mama asked me. I looked at the number that I felt like has ridiculed me for almost eleven years. "I don't know if I can do it Mama" I told her as I shakily sat the phone down.
Why was this so hard? She's literally the mother of our child. She deserves to know. I owe it to her for giving me my greatest gift. I owe it to Blue for keeping it from her for so long.
"Yes you can baby. You promised yourself you wouldn't to keep it from her anymore. Especially now that Blue knows" she told me. I sighed and picked the phone back up.
I knew she was right but my anxiety for this call was through the roof at this point. What if she didn't believe me or what if she didn't want to be in Blue's life? That would destroy her. Or worse, what if couldn't handle all that comes with us? My family, my fame, me? All of this was just too much. I should have prepared more for this.
"Girl if you don't call that number" Angie chastised me. I smacked my lips and decided to just do it since I've been dragging it out for too long and at this point, I was being a little bitch.
I clicked the call button as the phone number was just sitting there for minutes now. The phone began to ring when I put it up to my ear. My leg was shaking so badly, I could just feel my heart beating in my ears. The ringing got to the fourth one before I was about to hang up but a soft feminine but tint of masculine voice graced my ears on the other side.
"Hello?" They rasped. My breath got caught in my throat and I almost forgot why and who I was calling. I cleared my throat and stood up. I wanted to have this conversation away from my family as they were distracting me.
"Hi, is this Solina Smith?" I asked as I moved to the backyard. "This is she, may I ask who's calling?" She asked. I was giddy knowing I had the right number. "Um, my name is Beyoncé. I meant to call you a while ago but I chickened out" I said. "Okay, is there a reason you meant to call me, Beyoncé?" She asked.
"Well, a few years ago, you donated your sperm to a local clinic in L.A. I had the liberty of being able to use your sperm and it made my daughter—well, our daughter" I told her.
It was silent on her end and it made me almost tremble in fear at the idea that she didn't believe me.
"Well, Damn. I didn't think anyone would actually use it. What's—what's her name?" She asked me. "Blue. Blue Ivy" I told her.
I heard her breath hitch when I said her full name. "Ivy?" She asked wearily. I hummed, "yeah, when I saw your file, I could tell how much your grandmother meant to you so I knew it was only right to give her your grandmother's middle name" I told her. "Thank you, Beyoncé" she told me. "You're welcome, Solina" I said.
We talked for a little bit longer. We came up with a day to meet up and actually sit and talk with one another before we told Blue. I'm not going to lie, talking to her, like actually hearing her voice brought me so much warmth. She sounded so surprised when I told her about Blue. I was happy with myself because I finally went through with it.
Now all I needed to do was somehow tell my dumbass husband.
______________ Hi lovelies 🫶🏾. I like this idea and imma try and right as much as I can before I loose interest since Ik I will 🤧. Lemme know what y'all want to see and all that so I can keep a clear mind y'know. Enjoy n comment n all that 🤸🏾♀️.
