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Beyoncé | Los Angeles, California
"Boy if you need someone, don't let me know I don't wanna build you up and you leave me low Yeah Whenever we play this game It never goes my way I don't need the memories Don't even mean what you say"
It was crazy how this verse of Coco's song Plan B sort of connected with my life right now. Everything I was dealing with between Shawn and finalizing tour planning, I don't know what to do.
It's only 3:30 in the morning I've only gotten maybe four or five hours of sleep. Between the pain in my back that I lied to Solina about and my head hurting from overthinking, I tried to do some work from Lina's computer that she offered to let me hold until we go to get my stuff in a few hours and used that to help maybe overwork my brain.
I had music playing lowly to keep my mind on music instead of flowing to my personal problems.
In the middle of finalizing documents, I heard a knock at the door. "Come in" I said. The door opened to reveal Blue standing there with tired eyes. I moved the computer to the dresser next to me and waved over my drowsy child. She came over and got into the bed with me, laying on my chest.
"Hi baba, what are you doing up?" I asked her as I brushed my thumb along her cheek. "I had to pee and I saw your light on" she told me, snuggling into my chest. "Do you feel better?" She asked me. I hummed, "I feel a bit better—do you feel better?" I asked her. She nodded, "if you're better than so am I. I also like being here with Mama" she told me and I smiled.
I liked being here too.
"Do you think Mama will be mad if we sleep in her bed?" She asked me. I chuckled, "you want to go see?" I asked her and she nodded excitedly. I yawned, tiredness finally dawning on me as we both slid out of the bed.
We both walked from one room to the next, trying to be quiet when entering Solina's room. In my mind, I knew this was a bit useless since her body is always alert. She probably heard us coming down the hall but she's playing sleep for Blue's sake.
"Mommy, you lay right there and I'll get in the middle" Blue "whispered" to me. I nodded and got in her covers on the other side of Lina. When I was there, Blue got in the middle and snuggled into her chest and put her hand into mine.
"Night mommy" Blue told me, even though it was technically the morning. I leaned over and kissed her head, "night baba" I told her and let myself fall back to sleep, finally.
*** The next time I woke up, everyone's positions changed throughout the night. Blue was now lying at the bottom of the bed and I, somehow, was now enclosed in Solina's arms with my back against her chest and her head in my neck. Her hands were tightly around my waist as I could feel her breaths hitting my neck.
I moved my legs a bit since Blue was laying on them and froze when my butt brushed against her wood.
Shit, how big was she?
I heard her groan and her hands moved so I freaked out and tried to pretend I was sleeping. "I know you're awake, Houston" her husky morning voice literally made me feel hot. I peaked my eyes open and turned in her embrace. Her hair was all disheveled and the freckles on her face were a bit more prominent first thing in the morning.
"I'm surprise you aren't on a ran at—" I paused, turning a bit to see the time from her clock, "7:20 in the morning" I told her. She chuckled and pulled me closer, prompting me to wrap my arms around her neck. "Well, I had both of you in my bed this morning and I rather not wake Baby Blue" she told me.
Her hands rubbed my back and I gasped at the small amount of pain that shot down my spine.
"You lied to me" she said. I looked at her sheepishly, "I'm sorry" I told her softly and she sighed. Her hand went under the shirt and felt around. When she touched the specific spot, I bucked into her. "Right there?" She asked and I nodded. "I'll put some cream on it after I make some breakfast, okay?" She told me and I nodded.
I was slightly out of it as I was now just feeling her morning wood as she pulled me even closer.
"What do you want to eat?" She asked me. Before I could say anything, a little voice spoke for me. "Pancakes Mama" Blue said causing the both of us to sit up a bit. Blue sluggishly moved to lay her body all along Solina's when she had turned on her back.
One of her arms were still wrapped around me as she moved the other to hold Blue. "What else you want with it?" She asked her. "Hmm, hash browns and strawberries" she concluded and Lina nodded before turning to me. "Do you want anything?" She asked me. "I'll just take some fruit, I'm supposed to be on I diet" I told her.
We all filed out of the room and down to the kitchen. Blue insisted on helping Lina cook as they had music playing and messing around trying to cook.
I took the chance to call my family as they've been blowing up the family group chat trying to get me to answer them for not calling or texting at all yesterday which was abnormal for me.
I moved back to Solina's bedroom to have some privacy as I called my family group chat.
"Hey y'all" I said the my sisters, cousin, and Mama. "Girl, we've been calling you all day yesterday. Everything good?" Solange asked. I twisted my lips as I tugged on the jersey I was wearing. "No, not really—it's a lot going on right now" I told them. "What happened baby?" Mama asked.
I began to explain to them everything that went down with Blue. Knowing Solange and Angie, both of them were ready to go and find his ass but Mama and Kelly calmed them down.
"And now we are here at Lina's. She told me we're staying here for a while and I didn't put up a fight. I felt so bad I couldn't tell her no anyway. Blue was so scared when Shawn was acting out—the second we got her, she cried to her" I told them. "So, what are you gonna do?" Kelly asked me. I sighed and placed my free hand on my face, "I don't know. I'm about to go back to the house soon with Lina to go pick up some stuff" I told them.
I watched as mama rubbed her eyes, "is Blue okay?" She asked me. I nodded, "Lina talked to her. It seemed like all her fears of Shawn just whisked away the second we stepped foot in here" I told her. "Are you okay?" Solange asked me. I bit my lip and rubbed my wrist subconsciously. "I feel better than yesterday. Blue wanted to sleep in her bed last night and when I woke up this morning, I was in her arms. I felt—warm" I told them.
They all had small smiles on their faces.
"What?" I asked them. "Someone is feeling their baby mama" Angie told me accusingly. I narrowed my eyes, "no I'm not—I just felt safe with her that's all" I told her. Mama didn't say anything but I know her and I know she agreed with Angie. "It's okay to feel something for her Bey. And it's okay to run with it too" she told me.
I twisted my lips, "I don't know Mama, what am I gonna do about him?" I asked her. "Divorce" Angie, Kelly, and Solange said simultaneously. I put my head down and sighed.
God, please guide me the right way.
_____________ Hi lovelies 🫶🏾. Should we just let Solina let her military self out or should she be contained? Who knows with me 💀. Some of y'all must've didn't look at the character list but yes Amber is played by Sevyn Streeter AKA Amber Denise 😭. Enjoy n comment n all that 🤸🏾♀️.
