Invited

Seventeen - Wicken

I ended up skipping the nap, even if the new bed was calling my name loudly. Sleep was something I was doing too much of, and I had plenty of new projects to keep myself entertained with. One of them was finally decorating my door and exterior wall. I decided to go crazy and buy chalkboard paint. On my day off, I was busy painting it on my door, installing a container to keep various colors of chalk in all sizes, and then putting in a mailbox slot that would go into my living room for Layla's private messages. I'd start there. What I was going to do with the inside, I still had no clue. I did order a leather recliner and some book shelves. Almost got a TV too, but I decided to hold off on that for the time being. I only had so much space to work with.

Standing back, I admired my work. The door was black, but the paint was on smooth and solid. Once it dried, it was going to look awfully nice. Not to mention, prove to be useful. I carefully opened the door and looked at the plain white walls of my room. Those needed color as well. I had plenty of left over chalkboard paint. Why not?

I pushed my furniture away from the living room wall, deciding that was the best place to put it. A nice dark splash in an otherwise bland room. It might even add some depth. I've never been good with colors and interior decorating, so I didn't know if I was right or not. I knew what I liked and that was as far as it went. If I was wrong, I was the only one who would have to live with it anyway.

Painting was so much more relaxing than I had anticipated. Once I had tape placed around the edges of my wall, all I had to do was stroke my brush across the vast empty space. It was the first simple thing I'd done in a long time. Ever since I was taken at the mall, I'd been working, working, working. Even before I left home, all I did was eat, sleep, work. Work was my haven of sorts. It got me out of whatever crappy living situation I was placed in. Gave me a task. A purpose. For the first time in a long time, I finally had the ability to do something for me. I chose to spend that time painting.

I imagine it had something to do with still being a purposeful task without just wasting time. Sure, back in the day I had video games and books to help me unwind. A handful of minutes to an hour to do those things in wasn't the same as having an entire day off to burn. What was I going to do when I ran out of wall to paint? Go back to bed?

The only downside to being alone in the quiet with my paint brush was that it opened up my mind to a lot of thinking, and that was one thing I was getting tired of doing. Because within seconds, my mind wandered to Chevelle and our possible baby. A baby, infant, tiny person that was going to be part me. For her sake, I hoped it was more like her than me otherwise she was going to have her hands full until I saw her again – if I saw her again.

"If" was a word I was tired of saying, tired of thinking. My life needed to have more solid points in it again so I didn't have to linger on "ifs" and "maybes" anymore. Having things be outside of my hands was rough. For so long, I had been in charge of everything that happened around me.

Which might have been why I snapped off so much at the Gorgachan in the mattress shop. I had control again. Over something small, sure, but it was still control and man, did it feel amazing. Perhaps I could exercise even more control over my situation with Layla and gain back some much needed confidence. Michael seemed to think I would be able to use my position to make things happen for myself, and as much as I didn't want to, I found myself agreeing with his philosophy.

Somehow, my power was going to bring Chevelle back to me. Maybe being a part of the Gorgachan would be better than staying with the Achlivans. Revolution was at hand, and with that a whole slew of possibilities. What was better: being glorified pets in a cage for the rest of our lives, or creating a whole new society from the ground up? On the surface, most people would pick the first option. It comes with security, but if people are left with nothing to do, bad things happened. Humans created chaos for the sake of having something to do and strive for.