Invited

Fourteen - Wicken

I tried to not think. Easier said than done. So much was running through my mind. Michael wanted me to spy, yet could I trust him completely? He spoke a lot about how the Gorgachan did things simply to avoid boredom. Was he bored and looking for something to keep himself busy until another thing came along? When I saw how he looked at Nancy, I noticed he expressed real emotions. I wanted to believe if he cared enough about her then he would care about what happened to the rest of us poor, pathetic human beings. Layla wanted me for her thing as well as for a political chess piece. I couldn't say no to her - not if I wanted to get back to Chevelle.

Chevelle, who could be pregnant, and I knew without a doubt it was mine. She wouldn't cheat on me, so there were no other options. The timing seemed just about right. Hypothetically, if the baby was conceived the first time we were together, she'd know by now something was up. Needless to say, it wasn't quite sinking in. I didn't think of myself as being a parent at a young age. When I was older and my life was stable, yeah, I wanted to have a family and give them the kind of life I didn't get to have growing up. 'Older' was supposed to happen at least ten years from now, not at nineteen – or twenty, I suppose. I'm pretty sure I've had a birthday since I was taken away from home.

I couldn't even begin to imagine what Chevelle was thinking. She didn't want kids right away either. In fact, she seemed weirded out by just talking about the possibility of them someday. At the very least, the subject always made her uncomfortable whenever I brought it up. Did she know before I even left? The last time I saw her, which was the same day I was taken away, she'd seemed...distracted. I had brought up growing old together, and she'd gotten awfully defensive. If she did know, why didn't she tell me then? Even if all she did was suspect it as a possibility.

She was alone and I hated it. Actually, what I hated the most was that she was with Timber. There was no doubt in my mind that he was jumping on his white horse in his perfect movie star armor, ready to save the day – again. He provided her with emotional comfort before when we had originally been taken away. Now he got to do it again as she coped with being pregnant with my kid. And me? I got to miss out on the whole experience, stuck, and unable to do anything to help. I was the person that got screwed over – again.

I covered my face as I lay in my bed, trying to make sense of everything and get rid of the nasty stress headache starting to form in between my eyes. As I slowly started to drift back to sleep, I couldn't shake the feeling that everything was hopeless. Was there a happy ending for me out there? Would it look the way I wanted it to? How long should I hold on to the possibility of things getting better, and when was it time to throw in the towel?

"Not today," I whispered through a yawn. It wasn't quite time to quit just yet.