Y'ALL THERE WILL BE SELF HARM IF THAT IS TOO MUCH FOR YOU TO HANDLE PLEASE DO NOT READ STAY SAFE KIDDOS!
I look at the clock, it's around 8:30 pm. I sigh getting up from my bed and shuffle through all the beer cans in my room. (taken from that scene Dazai is shown in his room surrounded by alcohol)
I walk into the bathroom, I remove my clothing and slowly unwrap my bandages watching as they hit the floor with a soft tap. I then turn on the shower waiting for it to warm before getting in.
As I entered the shower I slightly shiver due to the chenge in tempature against my skin. I stood there for a couple minutes letting the water run down my body.
I grab the shampoo bottle, it's the kind two special people bought for me because I smelt bad then another special person loved the smell of so they encouraged me to continue buying.
I sigh putting the liquid on my hand then setting the bottle back down, then I start scrubbing the shampoo into my hair.
"FUCK" I shout when that god damn soap enter my eye. I quickly rinse my hand under the water before using my hands to cup the water so I could rinse my eye.
I sigh and start rinsing the shampoo from my hair trying to ignore the discomfort now in my left eye. I then grabbed the conditioner, it's a matching set with the shampoo once again because a certain someone loved the scent in my hair.
I soon finish my shower and exit it, taking a towel an patting my skin dry along with my hair. I walk over to my sink where I had laid out my pajamas, I quickly dressed my bare body in the clothes and head over to the small cabinet I kept my toothbrush in.
My eyes grazed over the razor.
I sigh grabbing my toothbrush, my toothbrush looks rather new as I rarely have the energy to actually brush my teeth no matter how hard I tried. I squeezed the white paste from the tube onto the toothbrush, I turned on the faucet (pls I could not figure out how to spell that) and push the brush under the water before brushing my teeth.
I spat out the paste and rinsed my brush then cupped my hand the get some water to act as mouthwash. I then went to put my toothbrush back in it's respected place my eyes grazing over the razor once again.
I look down at my still bare arms as they haven't been rebandaged again yet. 'Just one shouldn't hurt.. right?' I reach towards the razor and lift it up. 'I shouldn't I promised them I wouldn't, but how would he care? He isn't here anymore, and him I betrayed his trust and love.. It's fine' I press the razor against my freshly clean skin.
Every went blank for a while..
I stared and my skin, now littered in fresh wounds, when did I do all of that? "Fuck.." I whisper feeling extremely dizzy, most likely due to not eating today and the loss of blood from the wounds probably isn't helping
I sigh rinsing the razor and putting it up, then I put it up, my eyes take note of the pills I have so conveniently in my cabinet.
I grab them.
I look at my phone it's around 9:45. I sigh choosing not to text anyone in the ADA as to not bother them. I look at the bottle before opening it and taking them.
I sit on the floor with a sigh I wasn't too sure if I had taken enough to overdose or not as I didn't check but I assume I will find out.
I decide I would call him just in case I do, I don't want poor Atsushi-kun finding my body. I pull up his contact giggling at the name I still had him saved as, he hated it so much.
The phone rang for a couple seconds before I heard that familiar voice on the other end. "Dazai?" a certain redhead said, a twinge a guilt hit me.(don't know if that's the correct word)
"Hey Chuu~ya" I said in a sing-song voice a little weaker then I would have preferred. "What's wrong Osamu?" Chuuya changed up his tone and his name for me knowing I'll listen better with that name.
"I did it again" I responded hearing a sigh on the other end.
CHUUYA POV:
"I did it again" I sigh hearing that. "Can you stay on the phone please? I'm on my way" I asked grabbing my keys and wallet. "Yes" I heard the chocolate haired man respond.
A few minutes later I arrived at his messy apartment, taking note once he was resting to clean up. I enter the bathroom immediately walking over to Dazai.
"What did you take?" I ask sitting beside him. "Pain killers" the taller responded. I sigh looking at him knowing very well he didn't know how many he took.
I nod "alright, do you think you finally took enough?" I ask "maybe? I don't know but we will find out" I nod, eventually Dazai starts up a conversation.
After talking for while y'all can make up whatever you think they talked about.
"Hey Chuuya?" the taller male starts. "Yes?" I respond taking note of slight hesitation which is rare. "Do you" the chocolate pauses for a second "do you think we could ever, start over?" the question catches me by surprise.
I look down "I honestly have no clue" to which the brownie hums. "You should rest" I say getting up and lending the male a hand so he could get up without complaining I didn't help.
Once he was asleep I started cleaning up around his apartment, throwing out all the trash, doing the dishes, sweeping, mopping, then cleaning Dazai arms and bandaging him.
I sit besides him, slightly playing with his hair. I sigh, he still used that shampoo, it was comforting to smell that again. I looked at his face before leaning down and pressing a gentle kiss against his dry lip, despite them being dry they were perfect.
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DAZAI POV:
I was up when Chuuya had kissed me, which kept me up all night against my will, a short while after a had kissed me he fell asleep, so of course I took that time to pull him under the covers and hold him how I used to back when he was still mine.
I sigh getting up and making coffee for the two of us knowing full well he will rise upon the smell of caffeine.
I was right, as always.
Chuuya emerged from my sleeping area to my small kitchen upon smelling coffee, I chuckled. Chuuya gave me a side eye but chose not to say anything and snatch the coffee from me with a small 'thanks'.
"So, about last night" I started catching the smallers attention. "Why did you kiss me huh?" I smirked watching his cheeks flush a light pink as he tried to figure something to say.
I take our coffees setting them down on the counter, I then place my palm on his waist earninga confused sound from him, I then grab his chin lifting it towards my face while simultaneously leaning down to kiss his smooth and moist rosy lips. He kissed back.
I pulled back after a moment.
"Chuuya Nakahara"
"Yes?"
"Will you be my boyfriend, again?"
A pause.
"Yes, I will Osamu Dazai"
I leaned down kissing my boyfriend again, God I missed calling him that.
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1287 word! I started at 11 pm it's now 12 pm. I wanted to practice my first person some angst and some fluff so yeah! Anyways I hope you all enjoyed this I definitely liked writing it.
Anyways what's your favorite season? Mine is probably winter though I wish I could swim during that season at the beach without freezing.
Anyways stay safe lovelies/kiddos/or people whichever you perfer!
