Fate's Bullet

Clean

Espios POV:

It hurt to move, breath, think. My body felt weak and completely drained of any remaining energy. I could feel the singular sliver of sunlight that peered through my blinds beam onto my tail, but I couldn't bring myself to sit up. I didn't want to look around or move. I knew I was alone. I knew silver was more than likely still lying unconscious in that hospital bed and I knew the moment I opened my eyes that reality would set in. So I didn't. I couldn't. How am I to face that? The one job I had, and I failed. It didn't come at the cost of a large sum of money that could have payed the bills, or a few lost or damaged shuriken that I would have to replace. No, it came at the cost of someone I hold dear to my heart, a small sum of people I could count on one hand. And that small sum may have grown even smaller due to my idiocy. The fabric of my sheets rubbed against the open cuts on my body, making them burn. The bandages wrapped around each of my limbs loosely laid as helplessly as I was across my bed and the growing fear of the possibility that the gash on my head may have gotten infected began to slowly creep into my mind, but I didn't care. I didn't care enough to move or open my eyes, or even go back to sleep which was becoming more and more tempting. I needed this. I deserved this. This discomfort, this pain, this worry, this fear. I deserved it all. All because I couldn't do one thing.

*

After rotting in my bed for what felt like eternity, I shifted my tail away from the sunlight. That little shift made me more aware of my body. And how much pain I was in. The bed covers rubbed every cut and scrape raw and the dried blood on the bandages were not helping them do their job. Head throbbing, I managed to crack one eye open, my vision almost completely blurred from tears and just waking up. Little by little I scooted off my bed, gently setting one foot onto the floor. I looked down at myself, only now noticing my gloves and shoes were off and resting beside my bed. I didn't recall taking them off but regardless I left them off and attempted to stand up. Almost falling to my knees from the weakness in my legs, I slowly ambled my way to the door. The door was unlocked and slightly cracked open. I always close my door. Looking around the room I noticed it was cleaner than usual. Books in neat stacks, miscellaneous objects organized, clothes neatly tucked into my drawers and my shoes and gloves magically removed from my body and neatly placed beside my bed.

The only logical reason being Vector had entered while I was asleep, given Charmy has nor the patience or the tidiness to clean my room. Though I hope Vector didn't enter. It's already shameful and pathetic enough to look at myself, let alone my colleagues. The appearance of my room faded away to the back of my mind as Silver flooded my focus. I needed to know what condition he was in, if he was awake at the very least. Though first I am to clean myself. I've already made a fool of myself with my pitiful performance at the library, less I need to repeat that with my mess of an appearance. Making my way to the bathroom I gently shut the door as to not wake up a potentially sleeping Charmy. I turned the squeaky shower knob, watching as the dinky old shower head shook violently before lukewarm water began rushing out. I kicked off the bandages on my legs given there wasn't much holding them on anyways and unraveled the ones on my forearms. I piled up the bandages, setting them on the small counter space in front of me before stepping into the shower. Immediately, everything began to burn, as expected from almost raw skin. Regardless I sat still under the shower, letting the water run down my face and onto the rest of my body. A faint steam clouded the bathroom as I gently rubbed my skin, feeling all the cuts from yesterday and other scars from the past. I watched as the slightly red tinted water ran down my legs and into the drain. Despite sleeping, I was exhausted. I have been for a while now, but today especially hit the hardest.  All because the one person I could hold all day, spout my genuine thoughts and emotions to and loved unconditionally was gone. And worst of all, it was my fault.