Downton Abbey Fanfiction

¤Twenty - eight¤

Cora's bedroom, Downton Abbey

She wore a black corset. That simple fact was what shocked him back into reality. And reality was, this woman was not Cora. And she never would be. In fact, Jane Moorsome was nothing like Cora.

Cora was graceful and sophisticated, intelligent and kind, forgiving and generous, firey yet sweet. Her smile set his heart on fire, her laugh took his breath away, her kiss brightened his day. When she was by his side he felt invincible. She always guided him in the right direction, helped him to find his way. Without her, he was lost. So lost, that he no longer knew the difference between love and lust. The difference being, that he remained - no matter what - absolutely desperately recklessly in love his darling Cora, and that Jane was his idiotic way of filling the void Cora had left (or was going to leave). It was futile of course, no one could ever replace Cora, especially when she wasn't even gone.

Jane stood in front of him expectantly. Her dark hair hung down her back and her pale eyes stared. She wore a black corset. He blinked. For some reason, the corset symbolised the difference between Jane and Cora. Cora wore a white corset usually, sometimes with coloured adornments, but never black. And now, of course, she didn't wear any corset at all. The baby. The cause of all his woes. If it wasn't for the baby, Cora would be curled up beside him right now. Telling him of her expedition to London. Modeling her new dresses and laughing her adorable laugh. Teasing him about something or other, or maybe doing her hilariously inaccurate impressions of his mother (even after more than thirty years she couldn't do a proper english accent). If it wasn't for the baby, she wouldn't be considering leaving him. Well, he certainly hoped that she wouldn't.

He looked at his surroundings. He was suddenly repulsed and disgusted by himself. Why, why was he in Cora's bedroom? What had possessed him to bring a maid into his wife's room? On his wife's bed. He shuddered. Jane continued to stare at him. The sheets smelled of Cora, her delicate floral perfume still hung in the air. Guilt churned in his stomach. He resisted the urge to retch right there and then. Cora's wardrobe door was slightly ajar, and he spied a ribbon peeping out like a teal tendril of smoke. Cora's things, all scattered like chapters of her life across the room. Years like pages. He could stand it no longer, he looked at the woman in front of him. She wore a black corset.

"I can't." He said suddenly. Jane frowned in wonder. What just happened? One minute he was whispering sweet nothings in her ear and practically tearing her clothes off, the next he was sullen and telling her to leave. She looked around her. They were in his wife's room. That must be it. "We can go somewhere else, I don't mind." She smiled stroking his cheek lightly. When he recoiled at her touch she was visibly shocked. "She doesn't deserve you Robert, darling. I want to make you happy, obviously she doesn't care-"

"Enough!" He yelled, jumping up. She took a step back. "You are the one who told me about her 'escapades' with the 'art historian'. Don't pretend that you think very highly of her. She certainly doesn't think highly of-" Jane was cut off again. "I said Enough! I will not have you speaking about my wife like that!" Jane narrowed her eyes, anger building up inside. "If you care for her so much, what are you doing with me?! What happened to 'my darling Jane' and 'I love you'?! What suddenly changed your mind?" Her eyes were welling up with tears. He looked at her, even more disgusted by his actions. The woman in front of him was crying properly now. Her hair was dishevelled and she wore little more than her black corset.

He remembered that she was a widow, with a son not too much older than Sybbie. She had been so desperate for work, that she was forced to return to this house. And he had preyed on her, like a beast anxious for his next meal. Not only had he pretended to himself that he truely cared for her, but he had clearly caused her to believe it too. How could he have been so cruel. He didn't even really know why he did it in the first place. Was he so weak and needy that after a few months without Cora's constant affections, he was desperate enough to sleep with the next woman he saw? He had promised himself that after Cora's near death experience with Spanish Flu, he would never be unfaithful to her again. But, when he discovered her 'relationship' with that ghastly Bricker, he snapped. If she wasn't bothered about being faithful to him anymore, then why should he be faithful to her? He told himself that his promise all those years ago was no longer valid. And then Jane made her return.