Two of a Kind

18

Amari

It was almost a week later and there was still no update. From anybody. My co-workers were no help and so were the people I saw at the park that day, nobody saw anything. I tirelessly posted fliers around town when I had the chance. I posted on Instagram daily, just trying to get the word out. Nothing.

Every day was getting harder to mask the pain. I've been praying more this week than I have this entire year. I'm starting to think nobody's listening.

Every night I fell asleep feeling empty and heavy at the same time. Some nights I had terrible nightmares and woke up in tears. The only thing keep me grounded was Aneesah.

Aneesah kept me locked in. She knew how much I care about not failing. I worked my ass off to get this far and Aneesah knows that.

I'm a first generation college student and all my siblings are looking up to me to show them that they can go to college and graduate. My mom and dad both dropped out of college, when they had me. They couldn't afford a baby and student loans, so they chose me. Now, I feel like I can't fail. Not only because I want to make them proud, but because I want to make myself proud.  I want to create a better life for myself.

I almost thought I wasn't gonna make it to college. My ex-girlfriend during senior year had me believing that I didn't need to go to college. I was under the impression that we were going to get married and I would be taken care of, but my dad quickly shut that shit down. He was not having it, so he gave me enough money to not need her. Then he made me apply to as many colleges and scholarships as possible.

I never failed in high school but I wasn't the valedictorian. I just consistently did enough to pass, but my freshman of college... oh she taught me with a quickness that just enough is not good enough. That's why I can't thank Aneesah enough for not letting me fall off.

I was surprised Kamryn even continued to check on me, especially after Sunday night when I told her to go home. She suggested to stay and make sure I was good, but I told her that she should go and that she didn't have to cater to me.

She's been so nice to me, almost too nice. It feels too good to be true like she out of a book or something.

She probably think I just wanna push her away. It's not that I want to but I don't want to get close. I just don't see her as someone who genuinely would like the real me. She's gonna think I'm a fraud if she sees the real me isn't who she expects me to be.

At the same time, she could very well just be playing me all along and just wanna hit it and quit it. Probably just putting on a front. I've been played before and so I know how easily it could happen again. You just don't know people all the way, sometimes.

If she not looking for a relationship, then why would she even want to take care of me? Her ass is too nice to be that fine. She must treat every girl like this and I can't be anything nothing special. Let me take my ass home. I need to go to sleep and get out my head.

•••

I just got home from my shift. I grabbed me some Chipotle on the way. First thing's first. I need to get cleaned, then I need to eat dinner. A hot shower has been on my mind since my shift started.

But first, I need to grab a water bottle from the fridge cause I been dehydrated all day. Of course, I forgot to grab my water before I left the house this morning and I don't drink just any water cause they don't all taste the same.

I grab a cold water from the fridge and take a sip. I felt chills down my spine, like a new energy washed over me. It was almost eerie.

I heard a knock at the door so I made my way across the room, fixing my clothes so I was presentable.