Of The Sea : John Murphy

Ashes Ashes We All Fall Down

I shut my door behind me with my wooden crate in hand. I really did not think this through.

"Murphy!" I called out, catching him walking down from the smokehouse.

He looked up and strolled over with his hands in his pockets.

"Do you think I could keep my things in your tent for the time being, I have a family staying in my house." I asked with a pleasant smile.

He let out a small laugh and grabbed the crate off of me. "No problem, you need a place to stay too?"

I smiled but shook my head. "I doubt I'll be doing much sleeping any time soon." I conversed, all while walking beside him.

He pursed his lips and kept his eyes forward.

I frowned and grabbed his tensed arm for him to stop. "What's the matter?"

He shook his head with a weak smile and kept walking. "It's nothing."

My frown deepened and I stepped in front of him. "You're looking at me different, why?" I demanded. "Did I say something to you last night?"

"You said a lot of things." He half chuckled, half sighed.

I stood outside his tent as he ducked in to drop off the crate but when he came back out, it seemed like he was startled to see me still there. "Tell me. I want to know why you can't even look me in the eye."

"I'd rather not." He muttered, stepping around me, careful not to bump into me.

"Oh my god," I stared at him in disbelief. "This is because I told you I was raped isn't it? Is that the kind of man you are? You think it's disgusting don't you?"

He shot back around with wide eyes, rushing towards me to get me to settle down but stopped himself from getting too close.

I clenched my teeth together and shook my head. "Unbelievable." I growled, turning away.

I felt his hand catch my arm and he pulled me back. "Thea, wait."

I looked from his face to his hand on me with so much anger my lips almost began quivering.

He slowly let go of me and looked around to see if anyone was looking. Nobody was.

"I'm not disgusted by you..." He squeezed his eyes shut and balled his fist.

I stared him up and down, watching him trying to get the words out.

"I'm disgusted in myself." He finally spat out.

I looked at him carefully and started rubbing my arm nervously. "Why..."

"I mean, all those comments I made, that kiss! And how I told you to take off your pants, God! I'm so stupid." He blurted. "It must have made you so uncomfortable! I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done anything."

I took a step closer to him, moving my hand from my arm to his. "If I remember rightly, I was the one that kissed you." I explained slowly. "But what happened to me in the past has stayed in the past. Sure, there was a time when I jumped at every sound or movement, but what he did to me does not affect how I live today."

His tensed arm loosened under my touch and his eyes softened. "Are you sure..."

I nodded with a smile. "And you of all people should know what I'd do if someone made me uncomfortable."

He finally smiled genuinely and nodded. "Sorry if I made a big deal out of this."

I shook my head and pulled myself into him with my arms tucked around him. "I'm not as fragile as people think."