Conscience (Captain America FF book 3)

Chapter 15: Balance

Jade Aurora

"Steve?" I inquire as I dice up potatoes to go with dinner. "Yes dear?" I stopped cutting for a moment as I questioned "Do you think Spencer will hate me?" Steve looked up from the sketch he was working on, a confused look dawning his face "Why would he hate you?"

I put the potatoes in a baking dish before placing them in the oven. "I mean, why wouldn't he? I abandoned him. He was a fourteen year old kid without a clue in the world. Spencer hated dad, turns out I am just like him. It's been three and a half years since I've seen him. He's a man by now. To old for me to be his big sister."

Steve sets his pencil down, listening intently. "Jade, what is this really about?" I sighed, gripping the counter in anger. Why did I leave him in the first place? I could've done better, I could have done something!

"I failed him Steve." I admitted. "I failed. I promised him when we were dumped here that I would always take care of him, provide and keep him safe. And I never thought I would have to live with this fear, this fear of knowing that he could hate me. He could hate me for the rest of his life. It scares me, knowing that the only person I have considered family for my entire life will never want anything to do with me."

Steve closes his notebook, that drawn out thoughtful look on his face. "I go through it everyday. I am so afraid that I will wake up and you will have realized just how badly I failed you." My face softened as I walked around the counter to him. Wiping a tear that had escaped his eyes, I reply "Oh Steve, how could I ever blame you? You did save me."

Steve remained on his stool as he asked "How?" I ran my fingers through his hair, tracing shapes through it. "When I met you, I was a horrible person, wether or not I worked for S.H.I.E.L.D or Hydra. After falling helplessly in love with you I realized good will always balance evil, and sometimes there is more evil than good can balance... so good must overcome it."

Steve wrapped his arms around my waist, burying his face in my chest. I stroked his soft hair as I added "You've know exactly what you're meant to be. You are Captain America, you saved the world twice, taken out Hydra bases since the 40's and you are the most amazing man I've ever met. And before I met you, I just figured my whole life would be mercenary acts. But not long after you came into my life I thought about a more beneficiary future. I never thought someone as fantastic as you would be the biggest part of it."

Steve pulled away from my chest, his eyes lingering on my abdomen. There was no way I could relieve his guilt, Steve was simply to stubborn. He slowly lifted my shirt, just high enough so you could see the bullet scars clearly. His large course fingers skimmed across the damaged skin. Swallowing hard his eyes flickered to the necklace that held the bullets that has ended my life before returning to my stomach.

"Jade, Loki was right. There was so much more I could have done. I could've done something to prevent you from leaving the tower in the first place." Steve murmured. I kissed his forehead, chiding quietly "As I've said many times before my darling, there is no stopping a stubborn Quill. Especially when we are up to no good."

Steve chuckles sourly, lowering my shirt gently. "You've got that right. Remember the time Tony trapped you in an alternate universe? I still don't understand how in the span of an hour of you being there you started World War Three."

I tapped his perfectly shaped nose as I answered "It is my expertise good sir. Causing trouble is my specialty. I find it quite easy to turn things amuck." Steve takes my hand in his, peppering kisses to it. "I believe it."

I peck his lips lightly before leaning over and snatching his sketchbook to peak at his drawings. I opened up to were he had left his pencil and saw this extravagant drawing of me, I looked completely different yet so at peace with myself and the world.

"Steve..." I gasped. He stood, wrapping his arms around my waist from behind and resting his chin on my shoulder. "I love you."

I turned, kissing him full on the mouth. "I love you too."