The Fiddler (Lucifer x fem reader) - Hazbin Hotel

The Golden Fiddle

T/W: Mention of self harm and some religious stuff

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*Flashback*

Y/n's POV

"How did you die?"

"Oh, Lucifer that's-" he looked away from me, thinking I wasn't going to tell him. "Well if you really want to know, I could never get that image of the man I killed out of my head, it completely ruined my mental health. I was at my all time low during college, I couldn't bear my own thoughts, so everyday I would drink and every night I would party, constantly trying to surround myself with people, not caring if they were bad influences. Everyday I woke up at a different house, causing me to feel weak and uncomfortable all the time, my grades showed this too. I was tired of always feeling bad about myself, so when my friends jokingly told me to join a church, I actually did, but the people at the church didn't take to me kindly. I would show up with a smile on my face and they responded by scolding me and giving me dirty looks, they thought I wasn't 'holy' enough."

"So you didn't keep going right?"

"Well, the priests and sisters were nice to me, and that was enough reason for me to stay. They welcomed me in, and gave me advice when I asked. They convinced me to stop drinking, which really helped. I was doing well for a while, I picked up my grades and actually went to class."

"So then what went wrong? How did you end up here?"

"Well, I decided to go out one Saturday night since I felt responsible enough and just wanted to let loose. On our way to the party, my friends and I saw an ice cream shop and decided to get some. We all sat down at a table, and I guess a guy from my church noticed me and decided to come over to us. Though when he confronted us, he spoke directly to me, well it was more like yelling. He called me disgusting and a whore, and that I had an outfit that proved it. He said that people like me could never change and will always resist God. He told me I had no place going to his church. Now that I think about it, I realize how much he didn't know about church, that they should accept everyone. At that time though, his words really got to me, I ran out of the ice cream shop and my friends tried to chase me, though I just hid behind some garbage bins crying. I couldn't get that image of his angry face screaming at me out of my head, spitting at me as he spoke. The rest of the night I spent drinking alone."

"That's terrible Y/n, I'm so sorry."

"Well I guess what was really terrible was what I did the next day." Lucifer looked up. "You know how I said there are a few reasons I got to hell, well, this is definitely one of them." He looked back down, he knew that he wouldn't want to look me in the eyes for the next thing I was about to say. "It was a Sunday, I had stayed up all night crying and drinking. I hated everything, myself, the church, I just wanted to get that man back for how he made me feel, but at the same time, I didn't want to feel either. So I decided to go to church. By the time I arrived, I was kind of late for the service, and the church was already full. I walked down the side of the pews, everyone was looking at me. Each row I would stop at to sit, I was met with snubbing looks, the priest didn't notice though, he was too busy reading his sermon. I figured I would just keep walking until I found a row where I felt comfortable, however this didn't happen. I ended up walking to the front and realized I was not welcome there. I turned around to look at all the disgusted faces. Everyone just stared at me. I noticed the man from the night before, he stood up and was about to yell. I didn't originally plan to do it then, but I thought it would be perfect payback for what he did to me."

"Oh no, Y/n," Lucifer said my name with pure concern.

"I shot myself Lucifer, I'm a terrible person. I shot myself in the head in front of the whole church!"