Don't Leave

Chapter 19

November 9
It's been 4 months now. I think about it more often that I should. Dying, I mean. He's not coming back. He doesn't want me to come to him. I don't have anything to live for anymore. Nothing. He was my world. I loved him. Fuck. I still do. Mr. Smith, the therapist, he comes in my room and sits on a broken chair beside me. I hate him. He thinks I'll get better. He thinks all these stupid fucking thoughts. I wish he would die. I wish I would die.

~~~~~~~~~~

Mr. Smith walked into my room one day. The sun was shining through the window onto my legs. I didn't care for the warmth. I wanted to be cold. He cleared his throat before placing himself into the broken wooden chair and taking out his notepad. I glanced at him and took a deep breath. I could feel him looking at me, "how are you feeling today?" he asked in his husky tone.

I blinked and looked at him as I bit my lip until it bled, before answering. "Nothing. I feel nothing."

He jotted it down in his notebook. "What does nothing feel like?" Now that was a stupid question. But it fit him; he was a stupid man.

"Like nothing." I replied, shifting my eyes to him. "You're not happy, or sad, or excited, or fearful or depressed. You feel nothing because you're empty." I looked back out my window.

He took note of my different answer and nodded, mumbling things like 'good' and 'i see'.

I rolled my eyes at him. "You're being stupid. More stupid than you usually are." I blurted.

He looked at me in disbelief. "How so?"

I looked straight at him, turning my body towards him. "Because you aren't going to get anything out of me. What are you looking for? You really think you can help me? Out of all people?" I furrowed my eyebrows and shook my head, laughing a bit. "What do you expect to see? Progress? Because buddy, let me tell you something." I stood up, shakily. His eyes going wide in response. "You can't help anyone. You sure as hell aren't helping me. You're little mind can't do shit, pal. You wish someone would help you. Why do you only help the ones who don't want help?! Go help someone you have a chance of saving! Because there's no saving me." I told him in the loudest voice I could muster.

He stood up and put a hand on my shoulder before I brushed it off. My vision was going blurry, my legs were feeling weak. "Leo, I-" I punched him in the jaw and watched him fall backwards. "Don't fucking call me that." I growled before the room started to spin and I collapsed onto the floor.

*

I awoke to Cece over me, fanning me. She had tears streaming down her face, some strands of hair sticking to the wet streaks.

I blinked, my head pounding. "I'm okay." I said, croakily. She pulled me into a tight embrace. I couldn't remember what happened. Cece sobbed into my shoulder as I put an arm around her waist. "Cece, I'm okay. Why are you crying?" I asked.

She pulled away from me and wiped her face and nose. "I'm sorry, I was so worried. I didn't know what had happened. Mr. Smith told me you had collapsed. I was worried you were dead." She told, her last sentence coming out in a whisper.

I blinked and cleared my throat, grabbing onto my chair and pulled myself up. "I'm not dead. I'm fine. Please don't worry." I nodded, forcing a smile onto my face.

Cece sniffed and nodded, standing also. "O-okay." She croaked.

"Maybe you should stay with Adamo." I told her. "He will take care of you, and you won't have to worry about me." I assured her.

I knew she was tired and worn down, wishing she could sleep and just forget about me right now. I could see how worried she was in her eyes. She shrugged and crossed her arms across her chest. "Who's going to look after you?" She asked.

"I will." I told her. "I promise I won't die." I chuckled.

She smiled. "It's nice to hear you laugh. It's nice seeing you stand and talk again."

"Thanks..." I looked down. I knew it wasn't going to last long. "But I'll start eating. I'll start moving. You can come check on me." I took her hand and led her to the front door.

"Cecilio...." She sighed. "I just....I don't know." She shrugged.

I kissed her forehead. "I do. Tell him I said hello." I said before opening the door and pushing her out of it. I breathed a sigh of relief as I locked to door.

Finally.