Chasing Series 5: Tying Childish Love

Panimula

Panimula

Eponine loves Marius at the bottom of her heart. She can give everything to Marius. Her love, her sacrifices, her everything, but one thing will never happen and that's the love she wants from Marius. She will never be the woman that Marius wants. At the end of their story, Marius choose Cosette and Eponine was left alone, broken and shattered.

I wiped my tears, I hate that story. But yet, I love Eponine. Gaya niya, ganoon rin ako sa lalaking gusto ko. Gaya niya, ganoon rin ako magmahal.

"Gavriel, bakit ka aalis? Bakit gusto mong mag-aral sa ibang bansa? Bakit hindi nalang dito?" mangiyak-ngiyak kong sabi.

He continued packing his clothes. Nasa harap ang dalawang malaking maleta at parang wala ng balak na bumalik dito.

"Bata, kailangan kong magtapos para sa negosyo. Tsaka hindi pwedeng dito lang ako sa Pilipinas mag-aral. Mas maganda ang opportunity sa ibang bansa." sagot niya na hindi ko maintindihan.

Kahit kailan talaga, hindi ko maintindihan ang rason niya kung bakit aalis siya ng Pilipinas. This is his home! Nandito si Kuya Willan and Ate Sharina! Nandito rin ang parents niya!

Nakakainis! Kasama niya pa si Kuya Tarius na aalis ng bansa! Pati tuloy si Ate Sharina ay malungkot. Hindi ko naman kasi gustong umalis sila dito. I know, I am like Ate Sharina.

Maarte. Brat. Childish. Iyon ang kataga ng mga batang kasing edad ko sa akin. I was my father's princess. Mahal ako ni daddy. Ako lang ang babae niyang anak kaya lahat ng gusto ko, binibigay niya. Pero mahigpit rin siya pagdating sa akin.

Meanwhile, Kuya Tarius is kind of soft when it comes to me. He's a protective brother. I know that I am blessed by having this kind of family. But now, I'm feeling so lonely and crying.

"Huwag ka na kasing umalis! You can study here! FEU! Adamson University! UST! Magaganda ang school na yon ha!" I burst out.

He chuckled and tapped my head gently.

"It's not that easy, bata." he said meaningfully.

Umirap ako para hindi niya makita ang luhang palabas sa mata. Gosh! I'm crying again! Kagabi pa ako umiiyak habang iniisip na aalis si Gavriel! Hindi ko matanggap na aalis siya at iiwan ako!

With my age being ten years old, my heart scrambled whenever Gavriel was around. I admit, I'm too young for this, but really, how can I stop liking him? How can I stop admiring him? How can I stop dreaming of him? I can't even imagine my future but I am so sure that I want to be his wife! Iyon ang gusto ko!

Nakakahiyang isip na sa bata kong ito, I'm thinking that way. Gavriel is very kind to me. He's my tutor when my subject makes it hard for me. Ngayong aalis siya, sino ang magtuturo sa akin? Ngayong iiwan niya ako, sino ang mag-aayos ng mga assignment ko?

"You might find a girlfriend there! Or worse, make a girl pregnant!" I hissed.

"Where did you get that idea, Catañia?" his voice was thunder.

Ngumuso ako at inirapan siya. I know for sure he will find a girl there! A girl with his age! I know he will love that girl and possible, make that girl pregnant! I know this! Alam ko kung saan ito papunta. Alam ko kung saan ako pupulutin kapag mangyari 'yon!

"Don't leave, please?" I begged.

He sighed tiredly. He's tall but with my height, kaunti lang ang agwat sa akin.

"I'm doing this for my family, Bata. Someday, you will realize that leaving and making your family proud is worth it." he said with finality.

Hindi ko na tinago ang luha sa mata at hinayaan na lumandas iyon. He was about to hug me but I refused and I ran as fast as possible to leave him. Ayokong makita siya na umalis kaya ako nalang ang magtatago.

"Tanyang, Kuya is leaving now. Can you kiss me?" Kuya Tarius said.

Mula sa kama, tumayo ako at lumapit sa kanya. Agad ko siyang hinalikan sa kanyang pisnge at bumalik sa kama upang umiyak. I don't want to feel this anymore.

"Stop crying now. Babalik naman si Kuya. You'll be good here."  he comforted me.

Hindi ako sumagot at nawala naman ang presensya ni Kuya. Maya-maya, narinig ko ang boses ni Gavriel sa labas ng bintana ko.

"Bata! Aalis na ako! Can you bid goodbye to me?" Gavriel shouted at the window.

Tumayo ako pero hindi nagpakita sa kanya. Tinignan ko siya sa baba, he's still there, standing while waiting for me. I wiped my tears while staring at him.

"Umiiyak ng iwan ko sa kwarto niya. Let's go. May Skype naman or Facebook, maiiwan pa tayo ng flight." Kuya Tarius said to him.

Huminga ng malalim si Gavriel bago tumango at muling tumingin sa bintana ko. After a moment, yumuko siya at tumalikod upang umalis kaya mabilis akong humarap sa bintana at binuksan 'yon.

"Gavriel, bumalik ka ha! Huwag kang maghahanap ng babae doon!" I shouted at the top of my lungs.

He stop walking and turn his head to me. Tumingala siya at ngumiti.

"Mag-aral ka ng mabuti, bata!" iyon ang huling sinabi niya bago sila umalis.

And there, I was alone, in my room, feeling so broken hearted while thinking that Gavriel is leaving me for real.

It was rare, I was there, standing in front of their door, hearing a soft laugh inside the mansion, hearing Gavriel's soft laugh while talking with the girl he brought here.

The heat I felt inside of my heart is unstoppable. The times that I kept waiting and hoping and then waiting for him started to fade. Those laugh. Those sweet words. Those eyes. These moments are making me broken into pieces.

Tumayo ako mula sa hapagkainan nila, bitbit ang kaunting lakas upang umalis. It's a celebration after they graduated from Harvard University. After long years of being away, ito ang bubungad sa akin, hindi ko matanggap.

Without hesitation, humakbang ako palabas ng mansyon nila. Walang nilingon. Kahit ang tawag ng magulang at Kuya ko. Pumasok ako sa kwarto, nagkulong at muling hinayaan ang sarili na umiyak.

Now that I'm legal and ready for him, he's not for me. Now that I'm fully grown, he's taken.

Bitbit ang batang karanasan na maagang namulat sa pagmamahal, mag-isa habang nilalabanan ang sakit sa puso, ngumiti ako sa magulang habang hindi matapos ang luha ni Mommy sa pag-iyak.

"Tañia, why do you want to leave us? You can stay here! London is not familiar with you--"

"Mommy, London is the peace that I want to stay. I'm going to pursue myself now." I answered her.

My father sighed heavily. Lumapit ako sa kanya at hinalikan siya sa labi maging kay Mommy. I, then wave my hand before leaving my parents at the airport.

Mula sa bintana ng eroplano, ngumiti ako at masayang pinili ang sarili ngayon. Zypher Gavriel makes me understand that love is powerful and yet, painful.

Gusto kong baguhin ang wakas ng kwento ni Eponine. Gusto kong sa huli, maging masaya ako dahil pinili ako ng lalaking mahal ko. Gusto ko 'yon. Gusto ko lang iyon pero hinding-hindi na gusto ni Gavriel, kasi sa huli, si ibang babae pa rin ang kanyang pipiliin.

Tumingin ako sa buwan, ngumiti at bumulong sa sarili. This is me, pursuing myself over a love. This is me, pursuing my peace. After all that I've been through, this is me, fighting for myself now.