MCYT Comedy - If there was a MCYT Comedian (Full Shows)

Show 11: ''Prison''

!!Some of these shows will contain jokes about gay shipping, and don't read if you expect mean jokes about CCs you don't like. This indicates a pause for laughter, applause, or general dramatic effect: * !!

TW: One mention of d3ath (video game d3ath though) and a few alc0h0l-related jokes. Also mentions Technoblade, in a positive way of course

Welcome, Wattpaddians, to this charade...again! I'm hoping I can draw a decent crowd, since I haven't done a show in a hot minute. My deepest apologies for that, folks. But you gotta understand, expecting a MCYT community member to have good enough mental health to keep a structured project like this on schedule every time is like accepting Trojan horses every week and expecting none of them to ever be full of warriors.

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Once again, I'm not going to address any of the real controversies going on currently, because this is a comedy routine, not a dictionary-length rant, but the number of CCs I can safely crack a joke about is growing smaller, so I might as well do my best while I still got some material that will land.

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So, stream chats, how about em? Are they a train-plane-car wreck, or what? Tubbo and Ph1lza have a setting on that basically only lets people who can afford phones chat, and I'm pretty sure all the others just ignore the chat now, if they even stream anymore to begin with.

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Honestly, I'm probably beating a dead Pillager with this comedy thing, given that this fandom looks like those dilapidated old buildings you drive by on long car rides, but if I'm left performing just for the metaphorical mice and barn owls who haven't given up on it, then so be it, I'm stubborn.

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I'm also not willing to let my routines be reduced to ''wow things suck'' just yet, so let me tell an actual JOKE joke. How do you know when a Ranboo fan has walked into the wrong bar?

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When they leave alone! Get it? Cus all Ranboo fans are stunning! I know that wasn't the most clever thing I've ever said, but I've heard actual MCYTs make worse jokes. Anyway, my real-life younger brother and I have been having a lot of conversations about time travel lately, and honestly, I'm starting to think the world would benefit more from a device that could slow time instead.

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Think about it, people. Sure, there's a part of all of us that wants to go back to when things were simple and fun, but do we really wanna give up our growth as people just for a little more blissful ignorance? I think slowing the world down would give us more time to heal. And it'd make things less scary, cus right now I'm like the Chicken Little of the clock. ''The future is crashing right down on us! Time is falling! I don't want a driver's license, with my anxiety I'm gonna drive like Tommyinnit in GTA!!''

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Besides, slowing down time wouldn't affect things as much as time travel. I mean, Tommy recently turned 20 and he still looks like he has to provide ID at the pub, so how much can slowing the process really make a difference from how it already is?

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I know a lot of people have experienced pain caused by MCYTs recently, but I hope they and their supporters understand that there are also people using the MCYTs to heal their own hurts, and that making insensitive jokes and harassing people is not the way to handle disagreements from any point of view. It's an emotional hurricane, but it leaves new opportunities to grow in its wake.

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That said, you all HAVE to see how funny it is that the MCYT who ended up causing arguably the least amount of pain turned out to be the anarchist pigman who talked about war all the time. Technoblade, our king, just joined us, farmed potatoes, dried our tears, and left. And that's amazing, I'm eternally grateful, but it's pretty ironic in some ways.

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Well, that was a little bit sad, but I've reached my word limit and I think Techno appreciation is a good note to end on. Goodnight, Wattpad, you've all been an amazing crowd!!