lilies *James Potter*

Chapter 30

"Where do I start?" Liliean mutters to herself as she and James settle at a table which isn't a booth against the wall but with normal chairs because she found herself unable to fit comfortably with her bump in the way.

"The beginning would be nice." James comments before diving into his blueberry muffin.

"Yeah..." Liliena takes a sip of her tea wishing it was coffee. Bloody James was being in the way of her wishful sugary drink. But she was lucky enough to get tea and a doughnut so she supposes she's okay with the circumstances.

"It started way back with Remus, just after his accident and when he came home."

James stays quiet, listening, waiting.

"He told me about Sirius, what happened and all that. How he fell in love and... got hurt. Physically, mentally. And I think... deep down... I took that to heart. He declared he was never to allow himself to feel that way again with anyone and that declarement went to me saying I never want to feel that way to begin with."

"So all this time... You never allowed yourself to-"

"Fall in love. Like someone, romantically, yeah. I just..." Liliena sighs. "The others call it gamophobia. Teasing me and whatnot but I tell them it's not the case and I'm doing it by choice but in reality, it is. James, I acted the way I did, running away, because I was entirely afraid deep down in my subconscious I was being terrified in a relationship with you. Being... us. We'd only settled on our relationship that night and I ran. Was I pissed about the whole condom thing, immersively. But the words I said, the words I used to attack you, that was wrong of me to do. And I am deeply sorry for that."

"I forgive you," James says instantly which makes Liliena frown.

"You shouldn't. You have all right to be angry at me, be angry with me."

"Being angry won't solve things, Ana. And you've apologized. Just a hiccup in our relationship. A mark on our first fight if you want to call it that. But we've talked about it, solved it. Now we can move on from it. Slowly, if you want. As slow as you want to take it, I won't pressure you. I want you to be comfortable with me. Not where you feel the need to bite and run."

Liliena stares down at the light brown liquid in her teacup.

"Do you mind if I change the topic? Something more light? I know we have a lot to unpack, but it's all the more to getting to know one another." James asks drawing Liliena's eyes to his. She nods and he smiles small.

James gives her a small crooked smile, one word from him and the topic shifts. "Names?"

The one word does shift her mood. Less upsetting and more into exciting anticipation.

"I think we should use Pheonix." She tells him right away.

James's eyes lit up with excitement and he perks up. "What made you settle on that one?"

"My mum." She tells him. "Her name was Patrica. My dad and her friends always called her Trixie. It had me thinking about what Regulus said. Nyx or Nyxie for a nickname. I don't want to be naming them after anyone in precise names but I like to think something similar wouldn't hurt, would it?"

"It won't." James agrees.

"Good. I also had another thought for a middle name, though I haven't really found anything that would settle with it."

"Shoot," James tells her picking up his coffee cup.

"Monte."

James starts to choke and ends up coughing on his sip as he sets his cup down on the table. Liliena gives him a worried eye as he chokes but it doesn't last long.