Grian Angst |~One Shots~|

|~Talking~|

Grian is talking to Pearl about committing suicide
(My AU! I would like to make it clear, I DO NOT SHIP GRIAN AND PEARL!! they're relationship is portrayed as siblings. Please don't take this the wrong way 😭😭)

TW: mentions of torture, undermining trauma/ serious topics, insomnia, attempted suicide, talk of suicide, mentions of being forced to be someone else, mentions of being forced to eat plastic, mention of actual suicide, one single curse word lmao, parental neglect, mentions of an unstable household, mentions of death/stabbing.

Grians POV

It must've been the middle of the night, but I couldn't sleep. I hadn't been able to sleep for maybe years now. It's funny how a few bad traumatic experiences can impact your whole life.. my whole life.

I sat at the edge of a bridge. There was a lake below, but it was quite a drop.. high enough drop to die from..

I had been looking forward to today for a while. I figured I'd do everything I've wanted to do, have lots of fun with everyone, spend all my diamonds, and finally, I'd kill myself.

I chose this spot because this is where I'd come all the sleepless nights. I'd come out to this bridge and stare off into the beautiful night sky, forgetting all my problems. It wasn't exactly a secret. I couldn't sleep. Everyone understood why, but I never told them what was keeping me awake. I suppose there was no point, so what if they knew about Sam or the watchers? No amount of pity is going to fix my past.

I'll probably reminisce abit before jumping, I already wrote letters to everyone, so now there's nothing else to do but jump. I didn't really feel nervous about it, and neither did I feel excited. I've been looking forward to this for so long, but now that I'm here, there's nothing to really be excited for - just something to do. I certainly don't regret this decision, though. I'm not particularly depressed. It all just feels like too much. Like life is so overwhelming that I can't manage anymore, like I can't take one step without thinking about something from my past. This is the easiest way out. My solution.

Before my parents sent me out to Japan, we had a really kind neighbor who was a pre-school teacher. She was the only one except Pearl, who treated me like an actual human being, unlike my parents. I remember she invited me over to her house.. the day before, she mysteriously disappeared. We sat down together, and she made me some tea and biscuits and played with me. Near the end of my visit, she crouched down to my level and brushed her hand over my cheek, saying, "You're a great problem solver. Don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise." And then I left.

I guess I know what she means now.

Crazy to think how long ago that was. I miss her.

I had been disassociating, staring at the flowing river below. It reflected the moon wonderfully, making me want to dive in and get this over with already.

I messed around in the settings for a bit, finally doing what I had intended to do.

>Permanente death has been activated for <Grian>

Everyone is asleep right now, so it should be fine. They can find the message in chat when they wake up and piece together what happened. They'll be upset, I know they will, but they can get over it. Unlike me. Which is exactly why I'm here right now.

I sighed out heavily, for once my mind was clear of any bad memories as I gazed at the sky once more, longingly.

I was just about to climb up on the ledge and jump when I heard an all-too familiar voice.