Blooming red | s.jy

13. Im sorry

Aera's pov

The weather is gloomy , the dark heavy clouds above her heads , the thunder rumbling yet i do not feel scared anymore .

Everyone dressed in a black attire sharing their condolences, mourning the dead. Konon ,
ni-ki's older sister , stands beside me still crying her heart out , not being able to accept the fact that her younger brother , the person she bonded with the most and made memories so beautiful is no longer beside her.

His little sister , hugs her mother who wails silently sitting on one of the chair , while his father maintains his composure to greet the guest's while his eyes remain sad and hollow.

I look around to see the guys , jay has been distracting himself helping with the staff maintaining the funeral , sunoo crying silently in a corner while jungwon tries his best to comfort him holding back his own tears , heeseung is so sad that he cant even cry but stare into space shaking his head again and again as if he'll go crazy.

And Sunghoon stands beside jake ......

Jake has been numb since ni-ki took his last breath , he didnt speak a word , he didnt eat , he looked like he wanted to die . He looks like he can't even breath , guilt eating him up , a guilt im unaware of , a fear im unaware of , jake's hiding so bitter within him and he never told me. Now that i have a clear idea of his pain , eventhough it isnt explained to me , i feel guilty and hurt.

Hurt because maybe he didnt trust me and guilt because i treated him the wrong way when all he wanted was to help me.

I see Sunghoon sighing as he pats jake's shoulder and leaves him alone beside ni-ki's coffin, i walk up to the coffin as tears pool in my eyes falling one by one . There lies ni-ki in the coffin , he looks so peaceful yet his once lively expression now replaced by a cold and pale one.

"He was just a mere teenager , an 18 year old with dreams , he was innocent , he wanted to live his life to the fullest with his friends especially you jake....... He didnt deserve to die such a miserable death. And yet even during his last moments he smiled as if everything will be ok" i say as i turn to look at jake who hangs his head low , tears dripping from his eyes.

"My little brother , my bestfriend , my football partner , the person who came to me when i used to cry in silence hiding from the world ........" he speaks with his hoarse voice as i stare at ni-ki's face. " he taught me so much eventhough he was younger , he told me to open up more often and that he's there when no one wants to listen to him. The one who would advise me to tell the truth before everything else ........" he now looks at ni-ki.

"You left me riki , why? You wanted to visit japan again once done with your studies and that too with js , you wanted to paint the memories , you wanted to make your future bright and you just went away like that , isn't that unfair" he spoke to the dead as if he'll listen and wake up but when he didnt answer more tears fell out of jake's eyes as i too burst out crying.

He was a little brother to me too , i adored him just like jake , he was the sweetest kid alive and he made me happy every i was with him.

"Ni-ki....... I already miss you , noona's favorite boy" i cry as i caress his face for the last time "take care and be happy up there , make us proud by completing your dreams" i mumble as i get away from him and the thunder rumbles as if telling us that to not let riki go.

That he doesnt want to leave us alone .... Not yet. But dear riki it's too late even when none of us wanted it to happen , it did.

We will be watching you from here , just be happy up there , we'll keep loving you riki. I slightly smile looking at the coffin which is now closed and being moved away to be buried and this time i let my tears flow without stopping them.