Just you and I

XXXVI

(POV Saylor)

This is a strange reality. I open up my eyes and adjust to the darkness, what time is it? I grab my phone, which reads 5:30AM. I sigh and put my phone back down. Another night, another nightmare. Well, I guess this one was more of a bad dream. I get up as quietly as possible, leaving a peacefully sleeping Dani behind. Oh, how I wish I could sleep that peaceful.

I grab some water out of the fridge and plop down on a chair. These past 24 hours have been a rollercoaster to say the least. I never thought she would do something like this, it's straight out of a hallmark movie. I chuckle at that thought while taking another sip of my water.

I do really want to take it further with her, not right now, obviously, but some day in the near future maybe. If everything works out. I try not to flinch every time she touches anywhere close to my upper thigh. I'm not proud of my scars, I despise them, yet I did that to myself. The most recent ones haven't even fully healed yet. They're simply reminders of everything I've lost, everything I've had and everything I'll never have, each one holds a memory I'd rather forget, but will never be able to.

I sigh and rest my head in my hands. I would've never thought anyone knew how hard it's been for me, I mean I know I'm not the greatest actress in the world, but my god I thought I was better than this at least. 

There's nothing I'd rather do than trust Dani completely, I want to let her in, I want to tell her why I am the way I am. But she doesn't owe me anything, she doesn't have to stick around, she doesn't have to live with it and carry my baggage just because I decide to trust her one day. I'm not sure I can give her what she wants, what she needs, or what she deserves.

I grab my headphones and my phone and head out to the balcony. I make myself comfy on one of the chairs and drape a blanket over my legs. I let my thoughts wander freely as I watch the world go by.

But you had to go
I know I know I know
Like a wave that crashed and melted on the shore
Not even the burnouts are out here anymore
And you had to go, I know, I know, I know

Out in the park, we watch the sunset
Talkin' on a rusty swing set
After a while, you went quiet
And i got mean,
I'm always pushin' you away from me
But when you come back with gravity,
And when I call, you come home

A shadow falls over the balcony, the window opens and closes behind me. I look over and see Dani sitting down on the chair next to me. I take off my headphones, "hi." She smiles, "hello to you too."  She keeps eye-contact and so do I.

"What?"
"Nothing."
"Mhm."
"What are you doing out here so early?"
"Had a bad dream."
"Wanna talk about it?"
"Maybe later, you should probably go back to bed. I'm sorry if I woke you up."
"Saylor, I'm okay. This is usually when I get up anyways."
"Right, miss Danielle Jones, the English teacher."

She gives me a gentle push and shakes her head.
"What? Aren't you?" I chuckle. "Yeah, but it's weird to hear you say my name like that, and my status." I shrug my shoulders, "I like your name."
"Oh, you do? Care to elaborate?"
"It embodies beauty, intellect and defiance. It's a strong yet gentle name, it's a name that celebrates someone who stays true to oneself, it also stands for only caring for judgements of a higher power, but I'm not sure that fits you."

"You know the meaning of my name?"
"Um, yeah I suppose." I feel my cheeks turning into a light pink color, oh get it together Saylor.
"I mean it's better than mine, mine literally means boat worker." I say with a straight face. She laughs and then raises an eyebrow. "It symbolizes strength, courage and faithfulness. You have a beautiful name, it suits you. But I'll call you boat worker from now."