Just you and I

XXXI

That was the last time we texted in months now. I've been going to school, not getting in trouble, ignoring Ms. Jones, doing my art projects and just trying to survive. The group invited me over numerous times to hang out, I just didn't want to.

I've been working whenever I could, so I'd have money. Sophia stopped bugging me when she realized it wasn't working. Today's the last day of school before spring break. Soof and I are leaving for LA tomorrow, school rearranged it so she's allowed to stay with me. I told them I wouldn't go if she couldn't be with me.

I drop her off at school and tell her I'd pick her up right after. She gives me a big hug and waves as she walks in. I drive over to school, excited for it to be the last one for 2 weeks.

First few hours were fine, the usual. I'm in art class waiting for the bell. Mr. Deans comes up and tells me how excited he is for my internship and that he knows I'll do great things. I thank him and head to English class. I sit down next to Ezra and get my stuff out.

"Are you excited?
I nod, "I can't believe it's here already."
"I'm so proud of you, Saylor. You're gonna do amazing, I just know it." I smile and thank her as Ms. Jones closes the door.

Ezra asked me numerous times if I'll be okay over there, if she needs me to come with her, said she's worried about me, I told her I'll be fine. She doesn't know about Dani, or what happened.

"Alright class, last assignment before spring break. Just write down what you're most excited for, what you're proud of and what you hope to achieve. Hand it in, and you're free."

I grab a piece of paper.
Most excited: be away for 2 weeks
Proud of: the internship
Hope to achieve: find myself back

I write my name and put it on her desk. She just nods, "stay after class please." What? "To go over your grades before break." She's got to be kidding me. I sigh and plop down on my chair. It took forever for everyone to be done with this crap assignment. I give Ezra a hug and tell her I'll update her about everything. Yes, she made me pinky promise.

I grab my stuff and wait for Ms. Jones to talk, but she doesn't.

"Ok woman, what is it? I have to pick up Sophia, I promised her. I know my grade's fine, it had to be to get the internship. Now what's your deal?"

"I just wanted to tell you I'm happy for you, you deserve this."
"Is that it?"
"I guess."
"If you say so."
"Actually. No. You look awful."
"Excuse me?"
"No, what I mean is, you look tired. Sick. I guess."
"What are you getting at?"
"You don't look good Saylor. I'm worried, everyone's worried."
"Everyone?"
"Ezra told me she's worried. You haven't been sleeping, you haven't been eating. She said Sophia's worried too."
"Last I remember, Ezra knows nothing, and it's not your business anymore."
"Last I remember Saylor, you were doing good. You were looking good, now you look like life has been sucked out of you. Sure your grades are fine, but you just do the work. The bare minimum. You never eat in the cafeteria anymore, your artwork is beautiful but it screams pain, anger and loneliness. You never sing at work anymore. I don't even recognize you."

I look at her for just one second.
"Or maybe you just never knew me. Maybe you didn't try, or maybe just maybe, you did this."

She swallows.

"I did know you, I do know you. I don't know your past, I don't know what you've been through. But I know you drink coffee late in the evening, I know you need your door ajar, I know for a damn fact you still wear the same perfume you gave Sophia as a gift, because it's meaningful to you, I know you put your hair up when you're annoyed, I know you play your music to fall asleep, then get annoyed if it plays the wrong one even though you put it on shuffle, I'm also guessing Sophia's been sleeping in your bed because of how bad you have been doing."

"It's not a crime to not be doing good. It's life."

"How's Sophia?"
"She's fine."
"Is she? She has to look at you feeling bad every single day. Have you talked to her?"
"Why are you lecturing me on Sophia? I raised her. I kept her safe. I sacrificed my life for her."

I know I'm raising my voice but she's overstepping it right now.

"Sophia called me last week."
"Excuse me?"
"Well, Lisa called. She said Sophia looked in your phone and wrote down my number, then told Lisa to call me. It was when you were working. She told me she's worried, she asked if she did something wrong."

I shake my head, "you're lying."

"She said you've been sad ever since after Halloween weekend. That you haven't been singing, or telling jokes or asking questions, or answering questions. You've just been living. Is that my fault, Saylor? Did I do that to you?"

"It's not yours to worry about. As far as I've heard, you've been just fine. Going out, going to fancy restaurants with Cami, enjoying new places with Oakley and god knows who. Did you forget you added me on your private instagram? I saw it all. You don't have to pretend you care. I know you don't."

I get up and head for the door. "Saylor there is nothing between Cami and me." I keep walking. She jumps in front of me as I'm about to leave. "Saylor. Please for the love of god talk to me. If not for me, then for you, for Sophia"

"I'm fine, Ms. Jones. I hope you have a good spring break."

She steps away and lets me leave. I speedwalk to my car and head straight to Sophia.