Echoing J.A.C.I.E. (All Time Low Fanfiction | Jack Barakat)

Chapter 26

"Okay," I breathed out heavily as I came out of the bathroom to join Jack again in the living room. "My period is officially over."

"Hmm?" He looked in my direction from his position on the couch. "That's nice."

I nodded in agreement, nerves tingling over my arms. It had been a long week, and I was ready for it to be over. But it also meant I had now entered a different stage again. An important stage. A significant one.

"The doctor mentioned now would be the time to try for a baby again, if we wanna," I casually mentioned as if it wasn't a big deal.

Jack froze completely. His eyes were wide, staring at a spot on the floor. He even started to lose colour in his face. I almost immediately regretted the words that had come out of my mouth. We still hadn't even talked about the miscarriage yet, and here I was bringing up that we could go for it again.

"I'm not ready if you're not ready," I quickly added, afraid that I had lost him completely.

But his gaze slowly shifted from the floor to me. It was more of a reaction than I had gotten every time I tried to bring up what had happened. This wasn't an evasive look. No, his eyes were right on me, taking in everything I had said.

"Are you ready, though?" he suddenly spoke up, uncertainty clouding his voice. "A few months ago we were still discussing waiting two more years."

He was right. My career was doing well and there was still so much more that I wanted to do. Last time we discussed this – even before our wedding – I was unsure if two more years would be enough. But... after actually getting pregnant and getting all excited, all those worries and considerations flew out of the window. I'd accepted the terms and conditions, and I was looking forward to it. But now? Now, I could go back to my original plan.

I dropped down on the couch next to him and sighed. "I don't think it's ever going to be the right time."

He rested his head against the top of mine and we both sat in silence. There would always be something that would mean having a baby was more suitable for our future than our present. It could be a tour, a project, a career step, not enough space, the expenses, or even just our lifestyle. The list was endless.

"How about..." I started again, gently slipping my fingers between his and carefully choosing my words, "we just have fun? We don't actively try to prevent it, but we also don't actively try to make it happen? Just enjoy our moments with a little less... protection."

"I don't know, Jacie..." he exhaled heavily, leaning back into the couch.

And just like that, we were back to an evasive Jack. For just a split second, I actually had hope. I thought we were maybe finally going to have the conversation we needed to have since we first came back from the hospital. But it seemed like the one brick that had fallen out of his wall had been patched up again.

"No, you're right," I quickly dismissed, "now's not the time."

We hadn't even had sex since the first day I visited him on tour, coming from London. That was a month and a half ago. It had been a long time. Especially for me. Jack had still gotten away with an occasional hand or blow job when I tried cheering him up. But I got nothing in return. Which I wasn't complaining about. Until now. I wasn't ready before, but I needed something now.

"Can we at least have sex again?" I practically begged.

But he just stared at the ceiling. "I–"

"Okay, fine," I brushed it off. There was a time he would have jumped me before I could have even finished that question. "I'm just so fucking horny."

He rubbed his face with his empty hand and rolled his head back down. "I just don't–"

"No. I'm not asking you to have sex with me. There's a perfectly fine vibrator in our bedside table. There are two options. Either you give me half an hour of privacy in our bedroom, or you come with me and help me out. It's up to you to make the decision."

And then it was silent again. It wasn't that hard or strange of a request. All I wanted was to either have some uninterrupted time to myself or have Jack help me get myself off. He didn't need to physically use his body on me. He could just take over what I'd do with my own hand.

But the way Jack just sat there, his eyes vacantly fixed on the coffee table in front of us, I knew the second option wasn't going to be a reality. Although I was okay with it, it was still a slight let down.

"Okay," I still gave a smile and stood up, my fingers lingering in the intertwined position with Jack's.

As I took my first step towards the bedroom, my fingers gently slipped out of the touch. Just as we were finally about to let go of each other's hands, Jack's grip tightened again. I looked back in shock. He was already looking right at me, a hint of apprehension but a lot of determination in his features.

He got up as well. "I'll help you."