Echoing J.A.C.I.E. (All Time Low Fanfiction | Jack Barakat)

Chapter 29

I glanced over the ingredients laid out on the countertop. The cabin's kitchen was modest but functional, and we'd decided to make a simple pasta dish together. We had only arrived two hours earlier and were ready for a good meal. There wasn't much exploring we were able to do before it got too dark. For now, we were confined to the cabin, which was cosy with its kitchen, dining, and living room all within the same space, the bedroom with ensuite bathroom through a single doorway.

Jack was chopping the tomatoes with a focused expression, his movements deliberate. The focus seemed more intense than the task required. I busied myself with preparing the other ingredients and putting a pot of water on the cooktop, consistently stealing glances in Jack's direction.

"You know," I said, trying to lighten the atmosphere, "you've come a long way with chopping tomatoes. Have you secretly been a culinary genius all this time?"

A small smile tugged at the corners of his lips. "I've only learned from the best. Now I can manage not to slice my fingers off."

We shared a laugh, and for a moment, it felt like the weight that had been hanging over us was lifted. But, quickly, his focus returned as he rhythmically chopped the tomatoes into cubes. I was starting to wonder where the Jack from the car had disappeared to. That guy was willing and able to have fun with me.

I threw all the ingredients into a pot and turned up the heat so that it would start simmering. Jack just watched, the spark of amusement in his eyes completely gone. He now seemed distant. It was a subtle shift, barely noticeable, but I had become trained in recognising it. I tried my best to brush it off, to chalk it up to the long drive here.

"You okay?" I asked, hoping to encourage him to share whatever was on his mind.

He looked up, meeting my eyes briefly, and nodded. "Yeah, just tired."

But it wasn't the comforting statement I needed to ease my worries. I decided to let it go for the moment, not wanting to press too hard. The pasta bubbled away on the stove, filling the cabin with the comforting aroma of a dish we'd made together many times before. Yet, there was still an underlying tension that I couldn't ignore.

All I wanted was for him to talk to me.

Once our dinner was ready, we plated it up and sat at the small dining table fit for two. Jack's gaze seemed fixed on the spaghetti he twirled around his fork, as if keeping watch that it wouldn't unravel. We ate in relative silence, the only sounds the clinking of forks against plates.

"I was thinking..." Jack finally broke the silence, his voice soft and distant.

My fork paused mid-air, and I looked at him, searching his face for clues when he didn't continue. "About what?"

He sighed, a heavy exhale that seemed to carry a weight of its own. "Nevermind."

"No, what about?"

He looked right back at me. "Nothing."

I breathed out heavily and let the pasta on my fork slip down back onto the plate. Something was starting to tell me that this trip wasn't going to be any different than our day-to-day life. I just needed something from him. Anything at all. It was becoming so tiring trying to walk through his walls.

"Maybe we can go on a hike tomorrow," he added as if it was his original remark.

"Maybe," I agreed, spinning my fork on my plate again.

We continued eating, surrounded by the solitude of our thoughts, the clinking of utensils providing a rhythm to the distance that continued to grow between us. The boundaries he continued to set were making me lose my appetite. I was officially stuck in a weird half-life.

Once our plates were empty, we cleaned up together. It was a chore that usually had us joking and laughing. That night, though, the clatter of dishes echoed through the kitchen, a stark contrast to the warmth the cabin promised.

"How does a soak in the hot tub sound?" Jack suggested when we put the last plate away.

I looked at him in surprise, sceptical about what this meant. Any other time in our relationship, and I knew what getting into a hot tub would lead to. There would have been no way we'd spend a lot of time actually in the water, and more time trying to get each other in the bedroom. But now? I couldn't tell his intentions.

"Sure," I accepted with a shrug.

The night air was chilling as we stepped onto the porch, stars twinkling overhead. We put our towels down on one of the chairs before taking off the cover, a soft steam emitting into the cool night. Jack was first to pull off his boxers and get in. His gaze was fixed on the starlit sky as I pulled off my own clothing and slipped in next to him.

Jack pulled my feet into his lap as the bubbles attempted to thaw the subtle frostiness in the air. I joined his stargazing, viewing all the little dots of light so far removed from us. There was a continuous silence between us, filled only by the soft sounds of the night. I couldn't shake the feeling that something was slipping away, like grains of sand through my open fingers.

"I miss this," I admitted, tracing patterns on the water's surface. "Us, just being together."

"I miss it too," he confessed, his gaze still fixed upwards.

I leaned back against the edge of the hot tub, staring at the night sky. The stars blinked, distant and unattainable, much like the answers I sought from Jack.

"What's on your mind?" I finally asked, my voice gentle, hoping to encourage him to share whatever burdened him.

"Just the stars," he responded. "We don't get to see them like this in LA."

"No, we don't," I agreed, shifting closer to him.

The hope I had clung to, the belief that this trip could be a turning point, wavered. Still, I didn't want to give in to despair just yet. I reached out, droplets of water dripping off my hand. My fingers slowly ran through his hair, trying to ground his thoughts.

"I love you," I told him earnestly.

His gaze finally dropped down to me and he gave me a slight smile. Before he could look away again, I leaned in and pressed our lips together. He kissed me back, making my heart flutter with the last bit of hope I had. I got closer, almost sitting in his lap. His chapped lips felt like home, like everything was going to be alright.

But he pulled away and shook his head. "Jacie, no, not yet."

"I just like making out with my beautiful husband, nothing else," I hid my disappointment, hoping to make him feel more comfortable again.

"Nothing else?" he looked at me with sad eyes, checking if I truly expected nothing other than a kiss.

"Nothing," I whispered before reconnecting our lips again.

It was short lived, though. First, he moved his lips in unison with me, but then the passion dissipated. Soon after, he pulled the hand I had put up against his chest away. And then he ended the kiss again.

A shiver ran down my spine, the cold finally getting to me.

"I'm gonna get inside," I said before standing up.