Echoing J.A.C.I.E. (All Time Low Fanfiction | Jack Barakat)

Chapter 27

I took a sip of the drink in my hands, settling into the couch I hadn't been on in a while. The same subtle smell of lavender still lingered in the air. Jack was to my left, stretching his legs out in front of him. In the corner, the house plant was still alive despite the many years I had been coming here, now with a few plant friends next to it. Dr. Mitchell sat across from us in her usual chair.

I hadn't seen her since before I left for London. Our appointments had become more and more spaced out since things were going pretty well with me. But, I figured it was time to return. I booked myself in for an appointment as soon as she came back from her holiday and dragged Jack with me.

It wasn't unusual for me to bring Jack with me. Although most of my appointments were solely about me, sometimes it was nice to see his perspective as well. It was never about issues we were having, just about my own insecurities. This time, however, I hoped that this session could help the both of us.

"It's good to see you again," Dr. Mitchell smiled warmly, observing us for a moment before speaking. "How have things been going since our last session?"

"There, umm, there've been some challenges," I responded, briefly glancing in Jack's direction.

He just nodded softly in agreement, staring off into the distance. I was hoping he'd want to help me out with describing it all, but his stoic expression told me it really was just a hope.

Dr. Mitchell leaned forward slightly, her attention shifting between Jack and me. "Challenges are a part of life. It's how we face them that matters. Would you like to share what's been going on?"

I took a second to give Jack the space to answer, but ended up taking a deep breath in attempting to find the right words to express the complexity of the situation. "Well... it's been a crazy time. There was an unexpected pregnancy and a miscarriage when I was 12 weeks along. Now, it's just the aftermath, really."

She nodded, her gaze shifting to Jack first. "And how have you been coping, Jack?"

He shifted uncomfortably on the couch and avoided eye contact. "I'm trying."

"Trying is a good start. It's important to recognize that coping with such experiences can be challenging. Feel free to share as much or as little as you're comfortable with, Jack."

Jack's eyes briefly met mine. They were full of a vulnerability that showed he wasn't ready for this. I reached out for his hand, offering silent support. He squeezed it in return, acknowledging my presence.

"Sometimes," Dr. Mitchell continued, "it helps to talk about what you're going through. It's a way to process emotions and work through the challenges together."

"I know," he admitted, his gaze fixed on a point in the room. "It's just hard to put it into words."

"That's okay," she reassured him. "Take your time. There's no rush, and this is a safe space."

I waited for Jack to continue, to explain why it was hard to put it into words, or maybe even try putting it into words. But he never did. He just scratched his head, waiting for somebody else to take over again.

"It's been tough for both of us," I decided to open up a bit more. "I want to help Jack out, but sometimes, it feels like he's shutting me out."

Jack's grip on my hand tightened as he looked at me with a hint of shock. His eyes quickly diverted to a spot on the floor before anything could come of his reaction.

"Jack," Dr. Mitchell addressed him gently, "it's clear that Jacie cares deeply about you. It might be challenging, but allowing her in, even if just a little, could be a step towards healing for both of you."

He nodded, but the lines on his forehead revealed the internal conflict he was wrestling with. It was as if he was caught between the desire to open up and the fear of exposing the rawness within. Silence hung in the room, each heartbeat echoing the unspoken words lingering between us. I felt Jack's struggle, facing emotions too overwhelming to neatly package.

"Jacie," Dr. Mitchell turned her attention to me, "how has this journey been for you? It's essential to ensure you're taking care of yourself as well."

I looked back at her, trying to collect my thoughts and feelings. "I'm okay. I had my moment a few weeks ago, but I just want to be there for Jack now."

She frowned, her eyes reflecting empathy. "It's commendable that you're supporting each other. But remember, it's okay to seek support for yourself as well. Healing is a shared journey, and both partners need nurturing."

"I know," I nodded with a smile. "I've got a lot of people I can reach out to."

"And do you? Reach out, that is."

"Not recently," I shook my head. The last time I properly spoke to anybody was when Hazel's mom came by. "I haven't felt the need to. But I know they're there if I need them."

She acknowledged my answer with a slow nod, jotting down some words in her notebook. She returned her attention back to Jack. "Jack, it's okay to feel overwhelmed. Sharing your thoughts and feelings doesn't make you weak; it makes you human. And it's clear that Jacie wants to understand and support you."

His gaze was still fixed on the floor. "I know. It's just hard."

"Would you be willing to explore why it's hard?" Dr. Mitchell asked gently.

Jack hesitated, and for a moment, I thought he might open up. But instead, he shrugged. "I don't know. It just is."

The frustration within me bubbled up, but I suppressed it. This was Jack's journey, and I couldn't force him to navigate it on my terms. All I wanted was to just finally breach this topic together, but it didn't seem like that was going to happen.

The session continued, with Dr. Mitchell gently guiding the conversation. We attempted to explore the challenges and feelings we were facing. As the minutes ticked away, it became evident that Jack's walls were not ready to crumble in this session.

While we left the office, Dr. Mitchell stopped Jack. "Jack, if you'd like, I can give you a referral to my colleague. He's just down the hall, but also offers long distance sessions. Maybe, if you're ready for it, you can approach him."

She handed him a business card. Jack looked down at the piece of paper with a curiosity. It could have been shock, it could have been uncertainty, but it also could have been some sort of intrigue. I just hoped he'd take the offer and would find the courage to share the unspoken words within him.

He stuffed the card into his pocket and we went out to the car. The walk was silent. I didn't dare say another word in case it would make Jack more uncomfortable. I thought it could have helped us, but it seemed like I might have forced this on him too soon.

But when we got in the car, he had a proposal. "How about we take a trip? Just the two of us. Away from the busy city."

I searched his face. Maybe the session had planted seeds of understanding. Maybe it wasn't another failure. With hope coursing through me again, I nodded.