as you wish

65

irl

matt stares at her, unsure of what to do. he can't tell if she wants him to say something, if she's working up the courage to say something herself, if she wants him to walk to her, he really has no idea.

she holds back the tears the best she can, clutching a hand over her heart. he notices that she's wearing his sweatshirt and he frowns, both happiness and sadness.

she takes a step towards him, and he takes his hand off the car door. she takes one slow step at a time and he starts walking forward to meet her in the middle.

they're now standing maybe a foot apart, and her lips are quivering as she stands there staring up at him. he puts his arms out, asking for a hug.

she closes her eyes and hugs him, breathing in his scent and trying to remember what his touch feels like.

he holds her tightly as if the world was ending, his cheek rested on the top of her head, and her's squished against his chest.

they stand there in silence for almost 5 minutes, just hugging eachother in the driveway. willow had been watching through the window so anne took her into the kitchen to give them time alone.

"i love you." he finally whispers, breaking the silence.

she takes a minute to breathe it in, refusing to let go of him.

"i love you more." she answers quietly.

he contemplates what to say, unsure of if it's a bad time to ask her to reconsider, or if he should just enjoy the time he has holding her and not risk her going back inside yet.

"can we talk about it?" he asks.

she breathes deeply, not sure of what to say. she loves him more than life itself, but she truly believes he will find more peace with someone else.

it's not that she doesn't think he loves her, it's that she feels overwhelmingly guilty for the pain she's already caused him and she thinks he would be better off with someone that never hurt him, that's how much she loves him.

"no, it's for the better." she shakes her head, still hugging him.

"but i love you, kai." his voice breaks, a tear falling into her hair.

"i know. you deserve someone who won't hurt you. that's already not me." she looks up to him.

"i don't care if you hurt me, it's in the past. this will hurt so much more." he pleads.

"don't say that." she shakes her head, hugging him tighter.

they stand there again for a couple more minutes, both knowing what will happen when they seperate from the hug.

"can i at least kiss you one more time?" he asks softly.

"yeah. just once." she nods, turning her head up to him and letting go of the hug.

he places his shaky hands on either side of her face, frowning when he sees the tears in her eyes piercing through his soul.

they both close their eyes and he slowly leans his head down to her level, pausing less than an inch away from her lips. he's terrified to kiss her, probably for the last time ever. he can't ruin his last memory with her, she has to feel how much he loves her through this kiss.

he presses his lips against her's, gently pulling her face closer with his hands. kaia shakily wraps her arms around the back of his head, going up on her tiptoes to reach him easier.

he feels how uneasy and shaky her body is, frail and trying to hold itself up to maintain the kiss. he wraps his arms around her back, her hands on his face pulling him closer.

he kisses her harder, squeezing his eyes shut as tightly as he can, trying so desperately to remember the pressure of her kiss and the warmth of her hands on his face.

they begin to run out of air, and they would normally just pull apart for a second and then keep going, but he knew that as soon as he let go, it would be the last time ever kissing her. he had to bask in the moment.

she pulls his face closer, one hand moving to his hair to remember the comfort of twirling his curly hair around in her fingers.

neither of them have any air left, and they stand there holding a lifeless kiss for as long as they can before they inevitably have to let go.

kaia disconnects their lips, returning to hug him. he lets several tears fall all over her as he hugs her as tight as he can, sensing that she's about to go back inside.

"are you sure there's no chance left? even if we're only friends?" he asks.

"i can't, matt. i'm still in love with you, but i've made my decision." she shakes her head, staining his white tshirt with her tears.

"okay." he breathes shakily, sighing and trying to accept that it's over.

"can i ask you something?" she whispers.

"anything." he nods.

"can i leave the pictures up on my instagram? i don't want to let go yet. the internet doesn't need to know." she asks, making eye contact with him.

"i was hoping you would. i will wait for you for as long as it takes, i promise i'll never fall in love again. you're my girl forever." he nods, a tear falling as he looks into her face.

she frowns, wiping the tears off of his face.

"maybe we'll find our way back to eachother, who knows. just not for a long time." she says shakily.

"okay." he nods, closing his eyes.

"please, try to be happy." she forces a smile.

"as you wish." he smiles.

she frowns, hugging him tightly one last time then stepping back away from him.

"i love you." she says to him.

"i love you, too." he nods, forcing himself to step back towards his car.

"don't say too, it sounds like you're agreeing." she laughs slightly.

"i love you, kai." he corrects himself.

she smiles at him, holding the pendant on her necklace. he stares at her for a few more seconds, finally forcing himself to open the car door and get in.

he tries not to make eye contact with her as he starts the car and begins backing out of her driveway, but he looks back one more time, seeing her slouch down to the ground, sobbing and holding her head in her hands.

he tries to shake the image out of his head and speeds away, unable to look at her for one more second without crying so hard he wouldn't be able to drive.

he's out of her sight, and she opens the pendant, revealing the photo of her and matt inside, kissing eachother when they were freshly in love. not that they aren't now, only that the love would be forced to die.

she kisses the picture, and holds it against her heart as she continues to cry.

1182 words