as you wish

72

irl

at the beginning of the breakup, matt felt nothing but sadness and desperation. and as with any breakup, his emotions were all over the place.

he started sad and in a state of shock and denial, refusing to accept that this was now his reality, his everyday life.

he didn't sleep for the first two days partially because he cried too much he physically couldn't, and partially because if he fell asleep, it would be the first full "day" without her.

by staying awake, he could still say that he'd seen and been with her so recently that he hadn't even slept yet. obviously, he couldn't keep that up forever, but he tried.

after the state of shock and denial and him feeling like the whole thing was a practical joke and a fever dream and he'd surely wake up soon, it transitioned to just sadness.

he accepted that there was likely nothing he could do to get her back, he tried everything and just could not make himself understand why she felt so guilty about hurting him months and months before then that she felt the need to break up with him.

once he had accepted the breakup and gave up trying, there was a period that lasted about a day where he tried to convince himself that he should be mad at her, that he should be angry and blaming her for breaking his heart.

but he knew the truth was that she was doing what she genuinely and truly believed was the right thing to do. she wouldn't leave him for no reason, he did know that. he just didn't understand why.

he very quickly moved on from trying to be mad at her, now he's just trying his absolute best to live a normal life. at very least cherishing that he once had the most beautiful and true love with the most beautiful girl ever, not many people could say that.

kaia was in a similar boat, but from the opposite perspective. she felt so guilty that she would cry so hard to the point she'd have to sit in the bathroom knowing that she would accidentally make herself throw up from the crying.

she was still so madly in love with him but she just could not bring herself to reach out to him because of how long it's been and how awkward it would be.

she didn't fall out of love or change her feelings about him for one second, her emotions towards matt still felt like they were dating.

everytime that she would've normally texted him about something, she just looked at the picture in her locket and told it the story.

she spent every second of every day in some piece of clothing that was his, her laundry loads were very small. she had always done her own laundry, though now with how little time she spent outside of her room, her mom began offering to do it just to make her life one crumb easier.

her days felt like an endless time loop. she wakes up (if she even slept at all), she scrolls through her phone, she cries before she messages anyone, and she now is going to the bathroom every morning because her doctor told her she had to or she'd have organ failure.

the guilt at times did make her want to die, but being dead means she no longer breathes the same air as matt. plus the fact that she knew they were both very much still in love, and she thought about how shattered and devastated he would be if she died.

she would not be able to live in a world without him, even if they didn't speak. given the fact that he liked her long before she realized they could ever be anything more than bestfriends where they started, she knew how bad he would miss her.