as you wish

70

irl, flashback

the doctor gave kaia a prescription for iron pills and her existing depression medication got significantly increased.

when they got home after the hospital, anne convinced kaia to watch a movie with her and willow in the living room instead of going straight to her room.

she sat on the corner of the couch matt always sat at, and put on the blanket they always used to cuddle under.

she had hoped it would still smell a little bit like him, but it had been almost 2 months since she had seen him, and the smell was completely gone.

anne put on princess bride in the hopes that it would cheer kaia up, knowing it was her favourite movie.

the reality of the situation was that kaia actually wanted nothing less than to be watching this movie that just reminded her of watching it with matt.

when the part came on where wesley first says "as you wish", kaia started crying and ran off to the bathroom.

her mom knew it would probably be best to just give her a minute, but she'd go to check on her if she was gone for too long.

kaia got into the bathroom, closed the door behind her, and slid down the wall to the floor where her hand was quick to reach for the horse necklace and pendant, a habit she had developed over the last 50 days.

if she couldn't see matt, or be with him, or hug him when she was sad, holding his necklace was the next closest thing to having him that she had left.

this far into the breakup, she had become numb to the crying. it happened so often that she basically ignored it. she saw it like having a charlie horse in your foot, you have no other option than to just wait for it to pass.

she still thinks about him everyday, she misses him constantly, and she's in a back and forth war in her own mind debating whether or not she regrets leaving him.

the routine begins again; she starts crying about missing matt, she holds onto her necklaces, and she fights the urge to scroll through all their old photos together and cry even more.

after it passes, she needs a minute to catch her breath and regulate her breathing. she works through it, and continues to stand up and look at herself in the mirror.

she stares lifelessly at her reflection, analyzing every miniscule flaw on her face. matt always told her how beautiful and perfect she was, and that he couldn't spot one imperfection on her face if he tried.

she sighs, shoving the memory back and splashing her face with cold water. she stands still with her eyes closed for a couple mimutes, immediately having a flashback.
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matt and kaia stand there in his bathroom arguing about who gets to choose the music to get ready.

he inevitably lets kaia pick, and he begins by using one of her comb-headbands to push the hair out of his face. he stands there shirtless, watching his girlfriend toss off her hoodie and tie her hair up.

she grabs her favourite facewash and passes it to him after she has enough in the palm of her hand, beginning to lather it on her face.

the couple stands there together with their eyes squeezed tightly shut, washing their faces as they get ready for zeke's party, completely and utterly clueless.

"how do you get your skin so smooth? it's not fair." matt asks, running a finger over kaia's baby smooth cheek after she had rinsed off the facewash with cold water.

"i have an actual skincare routine, you only wash your face when you're with me and i'm doing it and you feel left out." kaia laughs, patting her face dry with a warm towel.

"but i still have these super small bumps on my nose, they won't go away." he complains, leaning in closer to the mirror to examine himself more closely.

"let me see." kaia taps him.

he hops up on the counter and sits there like a puppy while kaia was stood between his legs and holding his face, analyzing whatever "flaw" matt claimed to have.

her thumb brushes over his nose, earning a nod from kaia.

"you have clogged pores." she starts.

she begins looking around the room and matt seems lost.

"you don't need to put shit on it, just let me pick it out or something." matt rolls his eyes, still being taller than her at this angle.

"i love you too, baby." she fake pouts, mocking him.

he laughs and rolls his eyes as kaia puts a thin layer of peel off face mask on his nose. they stand there for a couple minutes chatting before she tells him that he can rip it off.

matt rips off the strip in one go, but it was still wet and not ready, causing it to fling all over her.

"matt!" she jokingly punched his arm, rinsing off her face with cold water, standing up from the sink and looking at matt who has a guilty smile on his face.

"i'm sorry." he wipes off his and her face with a dry cloth and then holds his arms out for a hug.

she hugs him tightly, he holds both sides of her face and kisses her roughly, pulling away and earning a small laugh as she leans her face closer to the mirror to examine her face.

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she snaps out of it, the cold splash of water being the needle on the camel's back. kaia quickly opens the door and walks straight upstairs, implying she doesn't want to talk to anyone while she's in a state like this.

she slams her bedroom door and lays down, this round of crying was more anger, anger she held towards herself for hurting matt's heart twice this year.

"i fucked up so bad." she sobs into her pillow.

as she lays there in her bed crying, she wonders if matt ever thinks about her at the same time. she wonders if they ever look at the sun or the moon at the same time, she wonders if they ever cry about missing eachother at the same time, or if he even did.

he definitely does, at the same exact moment kaia began crying, matt was laying in the darkness of his room looking at her instagram, a small smile on his face as a couple tears ran down onto his pillow.

he looks at the first time she posted him after they started dating, he reads through all the comments, he smiles at the sight of them being so close and affectionate, praying that he can have it back with her one day.

"i love you." they mumble under their breath at the same time.

1150 words