as you wish

75

irl

despite being as tired as they were, they both struggled to fall asleep. the situation was so sudden, neither of them could've possibly thought this is how their night would go.

it would be impossible to say who the breakup was "harder" for, they were both very much grieving the loss of the other.

kaia felt guilt and dread, she was angry at herself for leaving him, but she still had chloe and everyone who loved her by her side through the whole thing.

matt felt alone. he felt isolated and not good enough, he felt like if he couldn't even get kaia to stay, he didn't deserve anyone.

he obviously knew that his family still loved him, but he blamed himself for kaia leaving.

there was an unspoken understanding sitting between them, that's why matt layed on her chest instead of the other way around, he needed the comfort, he needed to feel loved.

she plays with his hair and softly scratches his back, staring at the ceiling and not knowing if she should say something.

she feels him breathing deeply and slowly, relaxing into her and feeling held.

one of his arms is wrapped around her torso, the other hand is delicately running along the tattoos that sit on her arm.

"i can't sleep." he whispers.

"me neither." she agrees.

"do you wanna talk now or wait until morning?" he asks.

"up to you. i do wanna stay laying like this, though." she slightly laughs, tracing patterns into his back with her nails.

"where do we even start?" he turns his head up to her.

"me apologizing?" she shrugs.

"you don't need to apologize, you basically already explained why you left, it's okay." he shakes his head.

"i can never forgive myself for doing that to you." she sighs.

"you did what you thought was right." he states.

"but it wasn't right, we could've just talked about it and not destroyed these past few months of our lives." she briefly shuts her eyes to think.

"is there something specific that still bothers you about the first time? in the driveway when you were with james." he clarifies.

"kind of, i just can't place it. i don't know, i was in denial that i loved you because we had been best friends for over a decade, i never thought you'd see me like that." she starts.

"you never thought i would? i never thought you would. kai, bestfriends don't exactly cuddle and be that close to eachother like we did." he laughs.

"i know, but i always cuddled with chloe, i thought it was normal and you didn't think anything of it." she breathes.

"everytime we would lay together even just to watch a movie, i was totally daydreaming about you the whole time. nick and chris teased me enough just for acting like i liked you, imagine how much worse it would've been if i was open about it." he continues tracing her tattoos with his finger.