Unstable lovers

Chapter One

A/n:
Hi. I'm new to this. I'm not sure if anyone will like it but if anyone does, then please comment and let me know. I will try to update as often as I can and I hope you enjoy it!

Intro
Lilly's  P.O.V:
I barely slept last night. I was tossing and turning none stop, and every time I thought I was finally falling asleep, I ended up being woken up again by the voices inside my head. They haunt me every night. In my head I am running, and every time I look back I haven't got anywhere. And the voices get louder and louder. They want me dead. I will never know who or what they are. But one thing i do know is that they hate me. And that they will never leave me alone.

When my alarm rings at 7:30 I can't move. I try to turn it off and I roll over trying to hit it, But I keep missing the button, I'm too tired to even function properly. And I end up throwing it across the room to get it to stop. Breaking it to pieces in the process.
I can't be bothered with all the stress of school today. Nothing seems worth the effort anymore. My whole life is a mess. Im depressed as it is, and being at school makes me even more depressed because of all the drama.

It took me a good 15 to 20 minutes of lying motionlessly until I finally had the will power to haul myself out of bed. I walked over to my closet to pick out an outfit for the day ahead.

Ugh I have no clothes...well...I do, I just can't find anything that I feel like wearing. In the end,I just pull on some black skinny jeans and put on a black,long sleeved top. I stand infront of the mirror as I braid my long, blonde hair. I pull it to a side and leave a part of my fringe covering the right side of my face.

I look at myself in the mirror to see if I was presentable. My hair didn't look right, but I didn't care. It never goes perfect. My hair is so annoying and I hate it! As for my outfit, I looked plain. All black. There was something missing. I put on my black vans and then pull out my red flannel and put it on. Perfect. I didn't look that depressing now. I actually looked half decent. Flannel shirts fix everything.

Mikey was still asleep. I could hear him sleep talking. He does that alot. Sometimes he will even cry in his sleep. I do it too and he always ends up cuddling me to calm me down. I often end up waking him up and laying with him until he falls back to sleep. I hate him been upset all the time. We help each other through everything though.

Things changed since our dad died. My mum used to beat us when we were babies and we have a court order against her. When our Dad died , we were 15, and the judge decided that we were old enough to look after each other. It was hard, and we both became depressed. I began cutting and Michael did too. I've seen his cuts. We don't talk about it a lot though. I suppose we just want to pretend that everything is alright, but we both know it really isn't.

I need him as much as he needs me. He's my twin, and my lifelong best friend. We look after each other keep each other sane.

I can't do school today without him. He is in all my classes and sits with me in practically all of them. I'm glad that I have him. He is a lot stronger than me. And has better ways of coping with everything.

We both have really bad anxiety. And I have been having bad panic attacks lately whenever there's a lot of people. Michael is so calm when it happens. He hugs me and tells me to breathe, and he tells me that everything's going to be alright. Then if I can't calm down he takes me out of lesson. School says that if I end up not being able to cope then I might have to be taken out of school and being home tutored. Which to be honest, I really don't want. I couldn't leave Michael and Darren by themselves, or the rest of my friends. The only time I see most of my friends is at school.

Michael and I sometimes skip school. On the days when we both can't bear the struggle of the outside world. Or the days when I'm too nervous to leave and end up having a panic attack before we have even left the house. We decide to hide away from it all. We usually end up sitting in Michael's room playing games and stuff on his x-box.  We stick together no matter what. He is one of the only people I know who I can 100% trust with anything.

The only other person I know I can trust is Darren. He's been my best friend since pre-school. And now we're closer than ever after all we've been through. His mum and dad split up last year and his sister moved away with her boyfriend and his family. He's been left with his mum-who he hates! She abuses him when she's angry. I once walked in on her with a knife to his throat! It was a horrible experience. He was in tears and shaking really badly. I had never seen him so upset. It was awful. Im so glad I got to him when I did, otherwise god knows what could have happened! That was a state that no person would ever want to see their best friend in.

Since then he stays at our house in the spare room nearly every day of the week. He avoids going home at all costs and he only does if he 100% has to.

He pretty much lives here now. He even brought some of his posters and things to decorate the room with. It's nice having another person to mess around with and stay up late making food with. He is just like a brother to both me and to Michael.

Despite all that he goes through, he is really confident at school. I think he's just trying to be brave. And I'm proud of him for that. I really am. He is such a happy person. If you didn't know what he goes through you would probably think he was a perfectly happy boy.

My thoughts were broken off as I realise that we only have 10 minutes left until we needed to set off to walk to school and I take one last look in the mirror before quickly walking out of my room to wake up the boys.