Unstable lovers

Chapter Twenty Five

*Lilly's pov*

I hear Luke crying, his whimpers make me die inside, I'm trying to yell at him, and tell him that I'm still here, that I'm ok, but I can't. I want to jump up and scream, I want to tell them that yes, I can hear them. I feel so worthless.

Luke has hold of my hand and I hope he never lets go, he keeps telling me how much he loves me and keeps reciting each thing he loves about me; he's spoke about my hair, eyes, nose, the way my eyes scrunch up when I laugh, the way I look down when someone compliments me. He's spoke about every little thing I do and explained why he loves it, and all i want to do is just tell him back everything I love about him and about how happy he makes me, but no matter how hard I try I can't. I can't move or speak, I'm pretty much dead which is unfortunate considering that before I met Luke I wanted to be dead and would have loved to be in this situation, but now it's the last thing I want.

I don't want to be without him and I dread to think of how he'd cope without me. And Michael and Darren . It would tear them apart; I'm like a mother and a best friend to them. I can't leave them now, our lives were just beginning to get better.

I hear the sound of the door and want to sit up and see who it is but I'm glued down. I hear a woman's voice,
"Mr Ashford?" She says, speaking quietly, I could hear the sadness in her voice as she spoke. What was she going to tell them? Please don't be bad news. Please.
I hear Michael reply with a worry filled "yes? What's wrong? She's gonna be ok, please tell me she's ok." He sounded like he was on the edge of breaking down.

"I think you should sit down" the woman's voice says. She sounded very kind, her voice was really soft sounding and would have been really calming if I wasn't in this situation.

There was a long pause before she began to speak again, "I think you know what this is about but I'm afraid the breathing machines are going to have to be turned off today. At this point there is a 40/60 chance she will make it, and the longer we leave it the lower the chance of her living will be. We can arrange a time to do it, as soon as your ready just inform us. I wish you all the best of luck and I am so sorry that your going through this at such a young age, I wish there was something I could say to help," she was interrupted by the sound of all three boys breaking down, the very sound made my heart shatter, they think I'm going to die. I'm not giving up, not now, I want to live. I want to grow up and have children, live in a house and grow old with Luke. I don't want to die until I'm old and grey and ready to die. Not now.

I hear the door close again, meaning the woman had left. The room was now filled with the sound of sorrow filled cries. It was as if the sounds of hearts breaking was filling the room, making the atmosphere even more depressing.

I don't know how long passed before the door opened again, 2 hours maybe? Maybe 5? These days I can't tell the difference. The sound of crying made it feel like forever before the doctor came back. No one spoke, all I could hear was clattering and the sound of the boys whimpering. Luke still had hold of my hand and he pressed his lips against mine,
"This may be the last time I get to do that, we'll meet again, I love you so, so much..... Stay strong, I know that if you don't make it you'll still be with me and I promise you that you will always be mine and I'll always be yours. Lilly you are the best thing that ever happened to me... I love you...so so much ," he says before I feel his head press against my hand and feel his tears run across my hand.

Then I feel another person on my other side, "Lilly," it was Michael, "your such a brave girl, I love you so much, Dad would have been so proud of you, if I don't see you later I just want to say that I know he'll look after you up there and I trust him. Say hi to him for me. You'll always be my little squirt." He says as he ruffles my hair. "Do you remember out 6th birthday? When dad fell over with the cake? It was a disaster but I never forgot it, it was an amazing day, we both got matching bikes and you were terrified to learn to ride it. I remember all the times you fell off and came to me in tears, you were so determined, every time you fell down you got back up again and eventually you were better than me and were riding off all on your own." He begins to cry and I just want to cuddle him and tell him it's all going to be ok. He carries on "your going to be ok, every time something bad happens you overcome it ,I love you so much, it's gonna be ok, please be a brave girl, I believe in you," he nuzzles his head into my neck and cries as Darren comes up and begins to speak, I immediately know it's him because he's the only person who hugs me around my stomach.

"Lilly..." He can barley speak, I know he's trying to be brave but I can feel the sadness in him, "your my best friend, I love you please be strong, I know you can do this your the bravest girl I've ever met. Your like family to me,a sister and mother in one, and the most special family member I could ever need, I never had a mother in my life until I met you. You came into my life and filled it with all the things my mother never gave me; happiness....fun....love. I'm so grateful to have met you and to have spent any amount of time with you, I love you lil," his voice breaks as he says the last part and he turns his head and cuddles up to me, the tears soaking through my nightgown, but I didn't care.

"Are you ready?" A voice says, I hadn't heard this person before but I didn't think anything of it, there's been so many strangers in the room lately it's nothing new to me.
Luke holds my hand tighter and Michael clutches me in a way he never has before, Darren cuddles me tighter and I feel him shaking.

I'm so scared, my whole life begins to flash before my eyes, all my childhood memories playing before me like a movie that touches your heart as each second passes. I see all the happy times that I've had in my life, the days before my mother fell ill, when my father was still alive, and my parents were still happily married. The days where Michael and I were still growing up, always learning new things and being weird together from day one. I see all my memories, my birthdays, days out with friends, the night at the beach, the festival I went to last year. I never truly valued my life until now when I'm seeing it all flashing before my eyes.

"Y..y..yes I think so, can I ask something please?" Michael says, stuttering.

"Of course you can,"

"I'm praying this doesn't happen....but I need to be sure just incase.... She.. She won't feel any pain if she..if.. If she... I can't say it," he says, stumbling over his words.

"No she won't feel a thing,"