Something New

Chapter 20

Kemi

I haven't been able to bring myself to be anything akin to intimate with Fred for a month. We touch, but it's only ever to comfort the other. 

I hate it.

I hate how this is happening. I never imagined this would be the case. 

Fred kisses my cheek, ever patient. I'm nowhere as patient. I'm exceedingly frustrated with myself. I wish I could get better now.

"I love you, Kemi," he reminds me and I feel my anger dwindle as he turns me around on his lap, wiping the angry tears he already knows are present. "Love is patient, love is kind." He repeats part of the verse he's been reminding me of for the past month now. He waits patiently for me to say the rest.

‭‭"Love," I take a breath. "Bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." I feel my anger simmer down further. He pecks my lips gently and my mouth quivers.

"I don't like this, Fred," my voice is broken. He blinks away tears building in his own eyes, not happy to see me struggle in such a way. He's brought up therapy before, but I want to give this some more time before we turn to that. 

He nods, knowing my thoughts already. He holds me and I take solace in it, thanking God that I can at least enjoy this without panicking and hyperventilating.  

A week goes by and I decide to give things another try when he comes back from work.

Fred

I head upstairs, tired from work, but also happy to be back home. I head to Dayo's room, opening his door a bit wider to peek in on him. He sleeps soundly with one foot out from under his sheets, and the other one just about following suit. I cover him up with a smile and then check that the windows in the room are still locked. 

I leave after kissing his head and head to his mother and I's bedroom. I open the door and take in the dimly lit room. My eyes go to our bed and I see her figure under the covers. A smile graces my face and I shut the door as quietly as possible, but she stirs.

"Sorry," I apologize, afraid I woke her up. She doesn't respond, only pulls back the cover as she sits up. She probably needs to use the restroom. She walks around the bed and I step out of her way, but think it odd as she'd usually say a warm hello, but she's being oddly quiet. "Kemi? Are you feeling—” My eyes widen as I notice what she has on. It's something suitable for very intimate moments. 

"K-Kemi." I stare and she steps up to me, not needing to use the bathroom like I thought.

"I want to be with you," her voice says, sounding sultry and she reaches beside us to flick on the light so I can get a better look at her. 

Oh…my.

When your woman tells you that, and goes looking like she does now, what can you do but give her what she wants? 

But I hesitate despite that, my brows furrowing. Kemi frowns as I open my mouth to speak, taking hold of my shirt and tugging me down. I'm taken aback by the action. She kisses me and it's quite clear that she doesn't want to hear anything else besides a yes. 

But I don't want that. 

I take hold of her waist, serious as I stop her to look her right in the eyes.

"Don't force yourself."

"I'm not." 

"Kemi."

"I got dressed up. I waited for you to come back home and I put thought into this so that it can finally happen. I just want that." There's frustration in her voice, but it sounds like a plea as well. I take a second before nodding. There's no harm in trying.