Something New

Chapter 21

Fred

"I'm itching like mad to fuck him up," Joe looks at me in surprise as I swear. It's not something I do. I toss my axe and it hits the target spot on. 

I didn't tell Joe anything, just asked him to accompany me out so I could vent my anger out on inanimate objects and not feel tempted to resurrect the douche and take it out on him. Not like it's possible. My thoughts have been dark for the past few days.

"...Her ex-husband?"

"Yes," my one word reply is filled with so much venom. "That little—" I pause, stopping myself. I pace, seething so much. 

I hate to have seen Kemi how she was on the night of our wedding, and how she still is now.

She's tried to initiate things since then, but her hands always get to trembling with fear and her eyes get to watering and my heart can never take it. I stop her each time and I can tell it's starting to be interpreted in a different way. It's been two and a half months since we got married. 

Yes, I want her intimately, but I'd never ever force her. I'd wait forever if I had to. 

But unfortunately, she's beginning to associate this with rejection. It's like she's associating me stopping her from forcing herself to sleep with me as me not wanting her at all. That's far from the truth. And I want her to realize that.

So I'll take care of her tonight.

I get back home and she's there just sitting by herself in the silent living room. Kemi stands up once I step in. We're both quiet as I shut the door and for a moment, I wonder if this is what he used to do because she looks like a ball of nerves. My jaw clenches.

Anger goes through me and I greet her before heading into our bedroom, going into the bathroom to wash my hands. I head back once done, only to find her lingering at the bedroom doorway. She moves to step in, but I shut the door, keeping us in the main area. If it's the bedroom that has bad memories then I won't do anything there just yet.

I motion to the living room and she glances there before looking back at me and walking. I follow her and she stops in front of the couch. I have her sit down and I kneel in front of her.

"I love you," I remind her. Kemi blinks in confusion.

"Yes," she says slowly, trying to understand what's happening, but I shake my head. I'm not looking for a response. I'm just looking to drill it in. 

"Tonight is about you." I take her hands and kiss them.

"No, Fred, that's okay—"

"I'm not asking you, Kemi," I kiss her wrists and my eyes meet hers. "I'm telling you that I'll show you how I love you. All I'm asking is you let me know where you're not comfortable. We'll take things step by step." She doesn't argue, but I know this is not what she's used to. 

I press kisses to her forearms, taking my time. She shakes a bit as I do and I inch back to her wrists, giving her time to get accustomed. I won't rush her, I'll just do whatever she's comfortable with. 

She was only comfortable with that much and that's okay.

The next day, I was able to kiss up to her forearms without her shaking. It had her crying and apologizing, but I wiped her tears and kissed her wrists again, stopping her apologies.

It took a week before she was fine with me kissing her shoulders without going taut. Regardless, I took my time and paid attention to her cues.

I started noticing what she liked and as time went on, what she wasn't fond of, although she never voiced it. 

Time went by and I could kiss her stomach without her stopping me with a death hold and wide eyes. I went up from there, taking more time than I had with her arms. At first, she tried to tolerate it, but she surprised herself and I when she would instinctively pull me closer when I got to certain areas. She apologized the first time, her eyes darting away. So I kissed those areas again, making her hold on me go weak.

I didn't go beyond her upper body for some time, not wanting any regression to be had if we went lower, but also just wanting her to get used to feeling good. I wanted her to expect that and tie that feeling to intimacy. 

Kemi began to look forward to our time together in such a way and she opened up to me, no longer shaking and looking fearful. She would now smile and laugh, looking at me with desire. 

I never knew I would enjoy pleasing her so much. 

Kemi

"How about you?" I ask Fred as he kneels in front of me, his usual position for the past three months. He's been so gentle and so patient. I can't even fathom his level of patience.

His brows furrow and he shakes his head.

"No." I feel a slight pang at his response. He doesn't leave room for argument, but I want to focus on him as well, not just to return the favor, but I want to know the joy in giving selflessly to the man I love. I want that.

"Fred." I take his face in my hand, tipping his head up. 

"Kemi," he starts.

"Please." I never thought there'd be a day where I have to ask to do so. He wears a frown, but eventually, he yields. 

But when he takes my spot on the couch, I freeze, unsure of what to do. The things I know of...they're things I'm not comfortable with. I wring my hands together, stuck. He gets to standing up, but I push him back down, surprising him. 

"Just-just wait." I just need time to think about this. He gives that time and I'm thankful for it. 

I follow his example, but I'm not as smooth and I find myself looking at him much more than he did, wanting to see his reaction if I'm doing things right. I have to let go of that as I continue, trying to find what he likes. I go from his hands to his forearms, pressing kisses on them a bit oddly. My face heats up as he remains silent, just watching.

I decide to go for his neck, feeling embarrassed at my failure. I accidentally head butt his chin as I go higher and apologize, not able to look him in the eye.

I want this, but I can't do it well. 

He takes my hand ever so gingerly and I watch as he guides it to a spot under his neck.

"This is where I kissed you earlier. Supposedly it's generally a good spot." His cheeks redden. "I had to do some searching online to find that out."

There's silence and then I laugh at his admittance, the nerves flying right out the window. I'm thinking too much; we're both learning and that's alright. Fred watches me and his eyes get this dazed look before he kisses me. It's just a soft peck and it silences my laughter.

He pulls away and we gaze at one another. I settle on his lap and he hesitates before wrapping his arms around me, bringing me closer.

"Stop me where you're not comfortable." I nod but he doesn't accept that. "Kemi—"

"I'll stop you, Fred. I promise." I know the last thing he'd want is to hurt me. He gauges my reaction before kissing me again.

I'm the one that deepens it. 

And for the first time, I take the lead without shaking as he silently asks for me to show him what I want.

I rejoice in the fact that we go much further than ever. We don't make love, but we get closer to it.

My heart rises as Fred has me singing his name, creating a song with the way he works. But it's not a solo. I invite him and he joins in and we make a wonderful harmony that puts a smile on my face and has me wanting what can only come next, in due time.

It's our first time together in such a way and I thank God for it.